Saturday, December 16, 2023

LoriAnn

Twelve Days AFTER Christmas - Someone's Mad!

That awkward moment when you break up with your "true" love after Christmas. What do you do with the gifts?

 The first day after Christmas my true love and I had a fight, And so I chopped the pear tree down and burned it just for spite. 
Then with a single cartridge, I shot that blasted partridge, My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me. 

The second day after Christmas, I pulled on the old rubber gloves, And very gently wrung the necks of both the turtle doves. My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me. 

The third day after Christmas, my mother caught the croup; I had to use the three French hens to make some chicken soup. 

The four calling birds were a big mistake, for their language was obscene. 

The five gold rings were completely fake and they turned my fingers green.

 The sixth day after Christmas, the six laying geese wouldn't lay, I gave the whole darn gaggle to the A.S.P.C.A. 

On the seventh day what a mess I found, All seven of the swimming swans had drowned. My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me. 

The eighth day after Christmas, before they could suspect, 

I bundled up the Eight maids a milking, Nine pipers piping, Ten ladies dancing, Eleven lords a leaping, Twelve drummers drumming and sent them back collect. 

I wrote my true love, "We are through, love", and I said in so many words,

 "Furthermore your Christmas gifts were for the birds!"



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Thursday, December 14, 2023

LoriAnn

Christmas Stories from Ririro.com


Santa Claus And The Mouse

Written by: Emilie Poulsson

Once upon a Christmas Eve, Santa Claus made a stop at a certain house to fill the children’s stockings. As he was doing so, he was surprised to find a little mouse awake and watching him. Santa greeted the mouse warmly and said, “A merry Christmas, little friend.” The mouse replied, “The same to you, sir.” Santa, finding the mouse’s presence amusing, said, “You’re very welcome to stay and watch.”

As Santa filled the stockings with toys, he proudly declared that they wouldn’t be able to hold anything more. But the mouse had other ideas. With a twinkle in his eye, he politely suggested that there was one more thing he could fit into the stockings. Santa, thinking the mouse was joking, laughed and said, “Don’t I know how to pack? By filling stockings all these years, I should have learned the knack.”

Santa then offered the mouse a challenge, and gave him permission to try and fit one more thing into the stocking. The mouse, with a chuckle, stole over to the stocking and gnawed a small hole at the toe of the stocking. He then looked up at Santa and said, “Now, if you please, good Santa Claus, I’ve put in one thing more. For you will own that little hole was not in there before.”

Santa couldn’t help but laugh at the mouse’s clever joke, and promised him a Christmas cheese for his clever trick. And, if anyone ever doubted the truth of this story, Santa could show them the very stocking with the hole that the little mouse had gnawed through.


These stories are brought to you by Ririro.com for free. Their mission is to give all children in the world free access to a variety of stories. The stories can be read, downloaded and printed online and cover a wide range of topics, including animals, fantasy, science, history, diverse cultures and much more.
Support their mission by sharing their stories and website. https://ririro.com/

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Find all the Christmas Stories and Christmas Eve Stories and even some Reindeer Stories from Ririro.com
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LoriAnn

Goosebumps: The 12 Screams of Christmas e-Book


The 12 Screams of Christmas by R.L. Stine
The infamous, Most Wanted Goosebumps characters are out on the loose and after you. For the first time ever, it's a Goosebumps Christmas! Kate Welles just wants the lead role in her school's Christmas play. Her annoying "friend" Courtney is constantly getting in the way of that. - More Details

Flipbook | PDF Format | EPUB format | Source: Internet Archive

Click on the poster below to read/view in Lightbox


Goosebumps is a series of children's horror fiction novellas by R. L. Stine. 62 books were published under the Goosebumps umbrella title from 1992 to 1997.
This is where it all started. Reader beware - you're in for a scare!

Microsoft Word - The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena.pdf


Microsoft Word - Stay Out of the Basement.pdf


Microsoft Word - Be Careful What You Wish For....pdf


Give Yourself Goosebumps Series by R. L. StineUploaded by Tamso ma includes Viewable files (23) in a PDF / ZIP Format


Find More "Goosebumps Most Wanted Books" to read online from  Archiver_Ancient870


... and still more PubHTML5 Flipbooks available to Read Online Free


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Monday, December 4, 2023

LazsRealm

The Dark Knight Before Christmas


'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Wayne Manor,
Not a sound could be heard —especially not laughter.
There were no stockings hung, and no tree filled with lights.
Not a single Christmas decoration in sight.

Master Bruce, in his costume, and I, in my robe,
Were up late, on the lookout, for evils unknown.
I missed Christmas, but he said he didn't have time.
Not at all, ever since the tender age of nine.
It saddened me, watching him year after year,
Never taking in joy — only dealing out fear.

"I say, Sir," I pleaded with all of my might,
"Master Grayson is having a party tonight.
Master Drake and Ms. Gordon are sure to be there.
Why not leave this bleak cave and enjoy some fresh air?"

"I've outgrown Christmas, Alfred," he answered each year.
"You can go if you want to, but I'm needed here."
I sighed and walked upstairs to turn off the lights.
"Merry Christmas," I said. His reply was, "Good night."
I walked up to my bedroom, got under my sheets,
And prepared to drift off into sweet, peaceful sleep.

Suddenly, a noise woke me up with such a clatter,
I ran to my window for more on the matter!
And what should my wandering eyes happen to find,
But a man in a sleigh with eight reinde– no, nine!

I was off to tell Master Bruce what I had spied;
The fat man in the sleigh was in for a surprise!
But it was my surprise; he had beaten me there!
Just how fast was this man who could sled through the air?

"Who are you?!" Master Bruce yelled, demanding to know.
The fat man's belly shook as he laughed, "Ho ho ho!
Don't you know?" he asked, giving his heels a click.
"Santa Claus! Father Christmas! Kris Kringle! St. Nick!"
The Batman moved slowly, not wanting to harm him.
"Right. Santa. Let me take you back home to Arkham."

But the man disappeared! He was gone in a flash!
Leaving only some traces of old soot and ash.
Suddenly he was back, just as soon as he'd left!
This man was indeed quite fast, in spite of his heft!

"I've come here in peace," said the man. "Have no fear.
The Batman said, "Then explain to me why you've come here."
The jolly man laughed, "Christmastime is at hand!
I bring gifts of joy to everyone in the land!
The good people come to me with their requests
For their hearts desire, and...I do my best."

"I need and want nothing from you," the Batman said.
"Go and take to the streets of Gotham with your sled."
The man in red snickered and gave him a wink.
"The person I'm here for is not who you think.
I've no gift for you, though you've done much good, 'tis true;
But the present I'm bringing tonight, well, is you."

"For when it comes to Christmas, you just disappear.
And you leave behind all of the friends you hold dear."
Bruce said, "Hold on a minute now, that isn't true.
I give plenty of presents at Christmas, I do.
Gifts of cash, food, drink, clothes, anything I can find.
So then how can you say that I leave them behind?"

"Giving gifts is something for which you've had a knack,
But the spirit of Christmas is still what you lack.
Your gifts are all sent — none given face to face.
And you've never even accepted an embrace.
If you're given a gift, you just turn it away—
Denying your friends what their hearts want to say!"

"They know all of my feelings, and they all know mine;
Gifts are simply a symbol for which I've no time."
"Well, Christmas is a time for which, I've always felt,
Allowing others in! Let your defenses melt!"
"My defenses are FINE," Batman furrowed his brow.
"It's just a sign of weakness to let them go down."

Santa sighed, "I have never, as long as I've lived,
Had to teach, 'Tis better to receive than to give'!
I came here to open up your heart and your mind.
You're determined to keep them both closed up, I find.
"You're just too filled with anger and pain and regret,
Probably about both of your parents, I bet.
You'd tell them you love them if you could somehow,
Just like all of your friends want to tell you right now!

"Oh, the gift of allowing love to be expressed
Is one of the greatest gifts that one can get.
For the past is behind us; the future, unknown.
And the moment is all that we have to call home.

"And so, now I leave you, with this to think on."
And with that, this Saint Nicholas fellow was gone.

The master was silent. He was lost in thought.
I wondered if this is what that fat man sought.
"Alfred," he said sharply, giving me a fright.
"You mentioned... something about a party tonight?"

Soon we were dressed and ready and out on our way!
Surely this was a miracle, one had to say!
He had come bearing gifts! And was going inside,
When he stopped to look up, because he had spied...

"That Santa Claus fellow!" I exclaimed in the dark.
Master Bruce simply smiled, looked up, and said, "Thanks, Clark."
And I heard Batman say as he walked out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all... Well, at least for tonight."
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Friday, December 1, 2023

LazsRealm

The Knights Before Christmas - E-Book Text

A humorous retelling of the classic poem
 Twas the Night Before Christmas--with a medieval twist!

'Three dim knights attempt to fend off a bearded, red-clad and would-be invader—all the while mistaking his true identity and purpose: to spread good Christmas cheer all over the kingdom. Full of merry puns and misunderstandings."

Joan Holub (Author) Scott Magoon (Illustrator)

Poem courtesy of YouTube Transcripts


Twas december 24th and three knights dingaling,
were guarding the castle for their illustrious king

brave knight with his lance kept watch on the stair,
in fear that invaders might soon be there

Polite Knight, with his pen issued dire decrees,
"Keep out of our keep!" "No ransackers Please!"

Silent Knight, in his nightie and iron-armoured cap,
was just sttling in for along winter's nap.

Then out on the drawbridge there arose such a clatter,
those knights sprang to the tower to see what was the matter.

Away to the battlements they flew like a flash.
they tore up the stairs in a mighty mad dash!

When what to their wondering eyes should appear
but a red and white knight and eight dragons, oh dear!

    "Be-ho-ho-hold! I am Santa Claus,
    making my rounds in flight.
    Where is your chimney
    so I can enter tonight?"

    From the top of the wall
    the knight trio flew
    to consult the king's book
    on what good knights should do.

    Brave knight drew the bridge.
    Polite knight filled the moat.
    Silent knight duked it out
    with many-armed coat.
But nothing would stop their white whiskered foe.
no matter their efforts, he just would not go!

For Santa Claus had a list and he checkmarked it thrice,
He knew that their deeds had been chivalrous and nice.
    Yes! He would conquer their castle
    with the bounty in his sack
    "You can't stop me," he told them,
    "So good knights - STAND BACK!"
The knight's dove from the battlements, hiding under their beds,
as dozens of sugar plums rained down on their heads
Three shields came in camouflage, Mint spears hit the gate
As Santa stormed the castle with his fierce dragons eight.

More rapid than eagles, bows and arrows, they flew.
There were whistles and horns, men of gingerbread, too,

That volley of goodies those knights flung right back.
But then Santa hurled more from inside his sack!

Just when all appeared lost, a bleak silence fell.
The knights peeked out and cheered.
They'd WON! All as well!

The invader was gone, and in his haste to flee,
He'd forgotten his catapult, Yay! VICTORY!

Those knights brought it in and festooned it with holly.
Decked with treats of their triumph, it looked oh so jolly.

They gathered round it singing for their joy was vast
They'd driven away the invader - at last!

Then they heard Santa
call as he flew out of sight:
"Merry Christmas to all
And to all, nighty Knight!"


The Knights Before Christmas is published by Christy Ottaviano Books
(an imprint of Henry Holt books for Young Readers)
Publish Date: September 08, 2015
Page count: 32
Publisher: Henry Holt & Company

Book preview images courtesy of MacMillian Publishers Google Books and Pinterest

"Brave Knight, Polite Knight, and Silent Knight are “guarding the castle for their illustrious king” on Christmas Eve. "
Too bad they didn’t get the memo about Santa’s visit. When the jolly old elf tries to deliver presents, these well-intentioned protectors of the castle take a defensive stance: “Dash away, dash away! Invader, get out!”
A fierce (not really) battle plays out with Santa catapulting (via a Christmas tree) sugarplums and more as he “storms” the castle.
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Friday, November 24, 2023

LoriAnn

Barbie's Letter To Santa

Barbie's Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1999, Santa.


1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your rear?


2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white silk. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!


3. A REAL man... maybe GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.


4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.


5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done.


6. A sports-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.


7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!


8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, fitted with a fake fur coat, can of red spray paint; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a Nicotrol patch and equipped wth several packs of gum.


9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.


10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years-I think I deserve it.


Okay Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new girl for next Christmas. It's that simple.


Yours Truly,

Barbie

Ken's Letter To Santa:

Dear Santa,

I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of some of issues concerning Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.


First of all, I along with several other collegues feel Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential treatment - the b#@*&% has everything. I, along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have a dreamhouse, Corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases the ablility to change our hair style. I personally have only 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length. My decision to accessorize my outfits with an earring was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice. I too would like a change in my career. Have you ever considered "Decorator Ken", "Beauty Salon Ken", or "Out Of Work Actor Ken"? In addition, there are several other avenues which could be considered such as: "Green Lantern Ken", "Circuit Ken", "Bear Ken", "Master Ken". These would more accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open up new markets. And as for Barbie needing bendable arms so she can "push me away," I need bendable knees so I can drive, play sports.... Bendable knees would also be helpful for me in other situations - we've talked about this issue before. In closing, I would like to point out that any further concessions to the blond bimbo will result in action be taken by myself and others. And Barbie can forget about having Joe - he's mine, at least that's what he said last night.


Sincerely,

Ken



Image Source:play-dolls.tumblr.com

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