Saturday, December 9, 2017

LoriAnn

Donald The Showman

25 Parodies Of Christmas: 




Sung to the tune of:
Frosty The Snowman


Donald The Showman
American-Loving Soul
while the lefties cry
they weren't taught to lose
so the loss, just took it's toll

Donald The Showman
"won't be president," they said
Clinton's ego grew
but the people knew
now hardcore left's dreams are dead

it happened just like magic
on that night, November 8
Clinton supporters shook their heads
now, Make America Great!

Donald The Showman
from reality tv
so the news folk joked
now their minds are broke
he's the prez for you and me

Donald The Showman
for our country, leads the way
never had such fun
watching Kim Jong Un
make his threats, then back away

guess we're all sexist
heard that in a lefty's rant
crying here and there
"waaah! this isn't fair!"
want impeachment, but they can't

we let them down, those wearing gowns
that is Madonna's schlock
should've voted for the woman
but, instead, we cleaned her clock!

Trumpity Trump Trump
Trumpity Trump Trump
look at that Donald go!
Trumpity Trump Trump
Trumpity Trump Trump
melting those flakes of snow

Donald The Showman
American-Loving Soul
while the lefties cry
they weren't taught to lose
so the loss, just took it's toll

Donald The Showman
up against media worms
and while lefties fly into rage and cry...
they secure his second term!


Author Credit: Jonathan

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Friday, December 8, 2017

LoriAnn

12 Days Drive-Thru


    On the Twelfth Day of Christmas
    my Drive-Thru gave to me:

    Twelve bags of Pepto, 

    Eleven polish Hot Dogs, 

    Ten baked Potatoes, 

    Nine Chicken Tenders, 

    Eight bowls of Chili, 

    Seven pints of Cole Slaw, 

    Six chocolate Milkshakes, 

    Five Onion Rings; 

    Four Egg McMuffins, 

    Three Biggie Fries, 

    Two Happy Meals' 

    and a Big Bacon Classic with Cheese! 

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Thursday, December 7, 2017

LoriAnn

Twas Senior's Night Before Christmas


Senior's Night Before Christmas is a comical take on the classic version of Clement Clarke Moore's - "A Visit From St. Nicholas"


'Twas the night before Christmas at Rock-Away Rest,
And all of us seniors were looking our best.
Our glasses, how sparkly, our wrinkles, how merry;
Our punch bowl held prune juice, plus three drops of sherry.

A bedsock was taped to each walker, in hope
That Santa would bring us soft candy and soap.
We surely were lucky to be there with friends,
Secure in this residence and in our Depends.

Our grandkids had sent us some Christmasy crafts,
Like angels in snowsuits and penguins on rafts.
The dental assistant had borrowed our teeth,
And from them she'd crafted a holiday wreath.

The bed pans, so shiny, all stood in a row,
Reflecting our candle's magnificent glow.
Our supper so festive -- the joy wouldn't stop --
Was creamy warm oatmeal with sprinkles on top.

Our salad was Jell-O, so jiggly and great, 
Then puree of fruitcake was spooned on each plate.
The social director then had us play games,
Like "Where Are You Living?" and "What Are Your Names?"

Old Grandfather Looper was feeling his oats,
Proclaiming that reindeer were nothing but goats.
Our resident wand'rer was tied to her chair,
In hopes that at bedtime she still would be there.

Security lights on the new fallen snow
Made outdoors seem noon to the old folks below.
Then out on the porch there arose quite a clatter
(But we are so deaf that it just didn't matter).

A strange little fellow flew in through the door,
Then tripped on the sill and fell flat on the floor.
'Twas just our director, all togged out in red.
He jiggled and chuckled and patted each head.

We knew from the way that he strutted and jived
Our social- security checks had arrived.
We sang -- how we sang -- in our monotone croak,
Till the clock tinkled out its soft eight-p.m. stroke.

And soon we were snuggling deep in our beds.
While nurses distributed nocturnal meds.
And so ends our Christmas at Rock-Away Rest.
'fore long you'll be with us, We wish you the best. 

Kati McSweeney
Canoga Park, CA
Source: AmiRight.com
image from CartoonKate.com

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LoriAnn

Christmas in the Trenches

On Christmas 1914 soldiers on the Western Front left their trenches, walked through no man’s land, and met their enemies in an informal truce. This Christmas Eve story has always fascinated me. Hopeful and bittersweet. Men trying to be at their best in the middle of the worst. Soldiers from England, France and Germany, who had been killing one another in the trenches of World War I, stopped.
 It was a Christmas peace.


Christmas in the Trenches


Oh, my name is Frances Tolliver, I come from Liverpool.
Two years ago the war was waitin' For me after school.

From Belgium and to Flanders, Germany to here.
I fought for King and country I love dear.

Twas Christmas in the trenches, And the frost so bitter hung.
The frozen fields of France were still, No songs of peace were sung.

Our families back in England, Were toasting us that day.
Their brave and glorious lads, So far away.

I was lyin' with me mess mates, On the cold and rocky ground.
When across the lines of battle came, A most peculiar sound.

Says I, "Now listen up me boys," Each soldier strained to hear.
As one young German voice, Sang out so clear.

"He's singin' bloody well ya know," My partner says to me.
Soon one by one each German voice, Joined in, in harmony.

The cannons rested silent, And the gas cloud rolled no more.
As Christmas... brought us respite, From the war.

As soon as they were finished, And a reverent pause was spent.
"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen," Struck up some lads from Kent.

Oh, the next they sang was "Steller Nacht," To "Silent Night" says I.
And in two tongues one song, Filled up that sky.

"There's someone comin' towards us now," The frontline sentry cried.
All sights were fixed on one lone figure, Trudging from their side.

His truce flag like a Christmas star, Shone on the plains so bright.
As he bravely, trudged unarmed Into the night.

Then one by one on either side, Walked into no-man's land.
Neither gun or bayonet, We met there hand to hand.

We shared some secret brandy, And we wished each other well.
And in a flare-lit football game We gave them hell.

We traded chocolates and cigarettes, And photographs from home.
These sons and fathers, far away, From families of their own.

Tom Sanders played his squeeze box, And they had a violin.
This curious, and unlikely Band of men.

Soon daylight stole upon us, And France was France once more.
We said fairwell as we each began To settle back to war.

But the question haunted every heart, That lived that wonderous night.
"Whose family, have I fixed, Within my sights?"

Twas Christmas in the trenches, And the frost so bitter hung.
The frozen fields of France were born, As songs of peace were sung.

For the walls they'd kept between us, To exact the work of war.
Had been crumbled, and were gone Forever more.

Oh, my name is Frances Tolliver, In Liverpool I dwell.
Each Christmas comes, since World War I,
I've learned its lessons well.

For the ones who called the shots won't be, Among the dead and lame.
And on each end of the rifle,

We're the same.

http://www.johnmcdermott.com



Sung by: John Mc Dermott


This is a tribute to the amazing evets which happenned on Christmas Eve and Day when the sound of Silent Night came from the German trenches and a young German soldier approached the allied trenches to hold out the hand of friendship to the enemy in no mans land. So started the famous Christmas Day Truce Of 1914.


  • Christmas Miracle 1914 (Song)


  • :: REFERENCES ::
    Wikipedia - Christmas_truce
    MetroPostcards

    Christmas Truce - a Reminder of Our Humanity
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    LoriAnn

    A Rifle for Christmas


    A Rifle for Christmas –  A story about a dad’s charity and a son’s understanding.
    A Rifle for Christmas
    -Rian B. Anderson-
    Pa never had much compassion for the lazy or those who squandered their means and then never had enough for the necessities.  But for those who were genuinely in need, his heart was as big as all outdoors. It was from him that I learned the greatest joy in life comes from giving, not from receiving.
    It was Christmas Eve 1881. I was fifteen years old and feeling like the world had caved in on me because there just hadn’t been enough money to buy me the rifle that I’d wanted so bad that year for Christmas.  We did the chores early that night for some reason. I just figured Pa wanted a little extra time so we could read in the Bible. So after supper was over I took my boots off and stretched out in front of the fireplace and waited for Pa to get down the old Bible. I was still feeling sorry for myself and, to be honest, I wasn’t in much of a mood to read scriptures. But Pa didn’t get the Bible; instead he bundled up and went outside. I couldn’t figure it out because we had already done all the chores. I didn’t worry about it long though, I was too busy wallowing in self-pity.
    Soon Pa came back in. It was a cold clear night out and there was ice in his beard. “Come on, Matt,” he said.  “Bundle up good, it’s cold out tonight.”
    I was really upset then. Not only wasn’t I getting the rifle for Christmas, now Pa was dragging me out in the cold, and for no earthly reason that I could see. We’d already done all the chores, and I couldn’t think of anything else that needed doing, especially not on a night like this. But I knew Pa was not very patient at one dragging one’s feet when he’d told them to do something, so I got up and put my boots back on and got my cap, coat, and mittens. Ma gave me a mysterious smile as I opened the door to leave the house. Something was up, but I didn’t know what.
    Outside, I became even more dismayed.  There in front of the house was the work team, already hitched to the big sled. Whatever it was we were going to do wasn’t going to be a short, quick, little job.  I could tell. We never hitched up the big sled unless we were going to haul a big load.  Pa was already up on the seat, reins in hand. I reluctantly climbed up beside him. The cold was already biting at me.  I wasn’t happy.
    When I was on, Pa pulled the sled around the house and stopped in front of the woodshed.  He got off and I followed. “I think we’ll put on the high sideboards,” he said. “Here, help me.”
    The high sideboards! It had been a bigger job than I wanted to do with just the low sideboards on, but whatever it was we were going to do would be a lot bigger with the high sideboards on.
    When we had exchanged the sideboards Pa went into the woodshed and came out with an armload of wood—the wood I’d spent all summer hauling down from the mountain, and then all fall sawing into blocks and splitting. What was he doing?
    Finally I said something. “Pa,” I asked, “what are you doing?”
    You been by the Widow Jensen’s lately?” he asked.  The Widow Jensen lived about two miles down the road. Her husband had died a year or so before and left her with three children, the oldest being eight.
    Sure, I’d been by, but so what? “Yeah,” I said, “why?”
    “I rode by just today,” Pa said.  “Little Jakey was out digging around in the woodpile trying to find a few chips. They’re out of wood, Matt.” That was all he said and then he turned and went back into the woodshed for another armload of wood.  I followed him.
    We loaded the sled so high that I began to wonder if the horses would be able to pull it.  Finally, Pa called a halt to our loading, then we went to the smoke house and Pa took down a big ham and a side of bacon.  He handed them to me and told me to put them in the sled and wait.
    When he returned he was carrying a sack of flour over his right shoulder and a smaller sack of something in his left hand. “What’s in the little sack?” I asked.
    “Shoes. They’re out of shoes. Little Jakey just had gunnysacks wrapped around his feet when he was out in the woodpile this morning.  I got the children a little candy too.  It just wouldn’t be Christmas without a little candy.”
    We rode the two miles to Widow Jensen’s pretty much in silence.  I tried to think through what Pa was doing.  We didn’t have much by worldly standards.  Of course, we did have a big woodpile, though most of what was left now was still in the form of logs that I would have to saw into blocks and split before we could use it.  We also had meat and flour, so we could spare that, but I knew we didn’t have any money, so why was Pa buying them shoes and candy? Really, why was he doing any of this?  Widow Jensen had closer neighbors than us. It shouldn’t have been our concern.
    We came in from the blind side of the Jensen house and unloaded the wood as quietly as possible, then we took the meat and flour and shoes to the door.  We knocked.  The door opened a crack and a timid voice said, “Who is it?”
    “Lucas Miles, Ma’am, and my son, Matt.  Could we come in for a bit?”
    Widow Jensen opened the door and let us in. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The children were wrapped in another and were sitting in front of the fireplace by a very small fire that hardly gave off any heat at all.  Widow Jensen fumbled with a match and finally lit the lamp.
    “We brought you a few things, Ma’am,” Pa said and set down the sack of flour. I put the meat on the table.  Then Pa handed her the sack that had the shoes in it. She opened it hesitantly and took the shoes out one pair at a time. There was a pair for her and one for each of the children—sturdy shoes, the best, shoes that would last. I watched her carefully.  She bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling and then tears filled her eyes and started running down her cheeks.  She looked up at Pa like she wanted to say something, but it wouldn’t come out.
    “We brought a load of wood too, Ma’am,” Pa said, then he turned to me and said, “Matt, go bring enough in to last for awhile.  Let’s get that fire up to size and heat this place up.”
    I wasn’t the same person when I went back out to bring in the wood. I had a big lump in my throat and, much as I hate to admit it, there were tears in my eyes too. In my mind I kept seeing those three kids huddled around the fireplace and their mother standing there with tears running down her cheeks and so much gratitude in her heart that she couldn’t speak.  My heart swelled within me and a joy filled my soul that I’d never known before.  I had given at Christmas many times before, but never when it had made so much difference.  I could see we were literally saving the lives of these people.
    I soon had the fire blazing and everyone’s spirits soared.  The kids started giggling when Pa handed them each a piece of candy and Widow Jensen looked on with a smile that probably hadn’t crossed her face for a long time. She finally turned to us.  “God bless you,” she said. “I know the Lord himself has sent you.  The children and I have been praying that he would send one of his angels to spare us.”
    In spite of myself, the lump returned to my throat and the tears welled up in my eyes again.  I’d never thought of Pa in those exact terms before, but after Widow Jensen mentioned it I could see that it was probably true.  I was sure that a better man than Pa had never walked the earth.  I started remembering all the times he had gone out of his way for Ma and me, and many others. The list seemed endless as I thought on it.
    Pa insisted that everyone try on the shoes before we left. I was amazed when they all fit and I wondered how he had known what sizes to get. Then I guessed that if he was on an errand for the Lord that the Lord would make sure he got the right sizes.
    Tears were running down Widow Jensen’s face again when we stood up to leave.  Pa took each of the kids in his big arms and gave them a hug. They clung to him and didn’t want us to go. I could see that they missed their pa, and I was glad that I still had mine.
    At the door Pa turned to Widow Jensen and said, “The Mrs. wanted me to invite you and the children over for Christmas dinner tomorrow. The turkey will be more than the three of us can eat, and a man can get cantankerous if he has to eat turkey for too many meals.  We’ll be by to get you about eleven. It’ll be nice to have some little ones around again. Matt, here, hasn’t been little for quite a spell.”  I was the youngest.  My two older brothers and two older sisters were all married and had moved away.
    Widow Jensen nodded and said, “Thank you, Brother Miles. I don’t have to say, “‘May the Lord bless you,’ I know for certain that He will.”
    Out on the sled I felt a warmth that came from deep within and I didn’t even notice the cold.  When we had gone a ways, Pa turned to me and said, “Matt, I want you to know something.  Your ma and me have been tucking a little money away here and there all year so we could buy that rifle for you, but we didn’t have quite enough.  Then yesterday a man who owed me a little money from years back came by to make things square.  Your ma and me were real excited, thinking that now we could get you that rifle, and I started into town this morning to do just that.  But on the way I saw little Jakey out scratching in the woodpile with his feet wrapped in those gunnysacks and I knew what I had to do. So, Son, I spent the money for shoes and a little candy for those children. I hope you understand.”
    I understood, and my eyes became wet with tears again.  I understood very well, and I was so glad Pa had done it.  Just then the rifle seemed very low on my list of priorities.  Pa had given me a lot more. He had given me the look on Widow Jensen’s face and the radiant smiles of her three children. For the rest of my life, whenever I saw any of the Jensens, or split a block of wood, I remembered, and remembering brought back that same joy I felt riding home beside Pa that night. Pa had given me much more than a rifle that night, he had given me the best Christmas of my life.

    Thanks For Visiting

    Friday, November 17, 2017

    LoriAnn

    12 Days of Facebook


    On The 12th Day Of Christmas My Facebook Gave To Me

    12 new game invites, 

    11 friends lurking, 

    10 corny topics, 

    9 broken friendships, 

    8 stalkers stalking, 

    7 party invites, 

    6 folks ranting, 

    5 DRAMA QUEENS; 

    4 poking pals, 

    3 photo requests, 

    2 jerks I'm blockin' 

    - and a muse who won't stop tauntin me! 

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    Thursday, March 30, 2017

    LoriAnn

    Twas Christmas on Facebook


    Behold, 'Twas the Night Before Christmas ... On Facebook 



    'Twas Christmas on Facebook, when all through the house
    Every parent was posting, and clicking their mouse
    The Instagram filters were chosen with care,
    In hopes that each image would soon get a share.



    Each status included a funny thing their kid said
    So much to be documented, so much to be read!
    And Junior on his potty, and Missy mid-nap
    Everyone geo-tagged and placed on a map



    When somewhere off-screen there arose such a clatter,
    I sprang from my laptop to see what was the matter
    Away from my monitor I began to explore
    Blinked in the non-LCD light, and opened the door



    The moon was so pretty -- like a promoted post!
    And I suddenly saw it: a surprise Christmas ghost
    Yes, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
    But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.



    When a little old driver climbed down the apparatus
    I immediately wanted to update my status
    But more rapid than eagles his phrases they came,
    And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!



    "Now, Friend Me! now, Like Me! now, Poke Me and Share!
    On, Political Rant! On, Pet Photo! On, Awkward Public Prayer!
    To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
    Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"



    And then I realized my posting was belated
    Why, I'd describe Santa's visit like this: "It was Complicated!"
    As I reached for my phone and clicked the mobile app
    Suddenly on my shoulder there came a gentle tap



    He looked a bit weary, that Santa, all told
    And he told me my updates were getting quite old
    The Someecards, the gym check-ins, the stuff from George Takei
    (On that last one he actually rolled a twinkly eye)



    "Your cat photos -- so annoying! Your kid pictures -- so corny!
    You're cluttering my news feed with statuses that bore me!"
    His droll little mouth was drawn up to let fly
    And he was totally giving me the Santa Stink Eye



    He spoke not a word more, but went straight to my browser,
    And perused my Timeline as he hitched up his trousers
    And rubbing his head with a murmur of "How banal,"
    And giving a nod, he deleted my Wall!



    Then he sprang to his sleigh, and to his team gave a whistle,
    And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
    But I heard him exclaim, "You've been a fine hostess,
    Happy Facebook to all, and I bet 99% of you won't repost this!"

    Author: Linda Sharps

    Also see Linda's Version for MOM's


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    Thursday, March 23, 2017

    LoriAnn

    Twas Christmas On The Enterprise


    'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship
    Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip:
    The phasers were hung in the armory securely,
    In hope that no alien would get up that early.

    The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
    (Except for the few who were partying drunks)
    And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,
    Had just settled down for a neat face to face. . .

    When out in the hall there arose such a racket,
    That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pant and jacket.
    Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
    Leapt into the turbos and shouted "Deck One!" 


    The bridge red-alert lights, which flashed through the din,
    Gave a lustre of Hades to objects within.
    When, what on the viewscreen, our eyes should behold,
    But a weird kind of sleigh, and some guy who looked old.

    But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,
    That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.
    His sleigh grew much larger as closer he came.
    Then he zapped on the bridge and addressed us by name: 


    "It's Riker, It's Data, It's Worf and Jean-Luc!
    It's Geordi, Weasley, the genetic fluke!
    To the top of the bridge, to the top of the hull!
    Now float away! Float away! Float away all!"


    As leaves in the autumn are whisked off the street,
    So the floor of the bridge came away from our feet,
    And up to the ceiling, our bodies they flew,
    As the captain called out, 'what the Hell is this, Q?!"
    And, snapping his fingers, he vanished again.
    The spell was removed, and we crashed to the ground. 


    Then Q, dressed in fur from head to toe,
    Appeared once again, to continue the show.
    "That's enough!" cried the captain, "You'll stop this at once!" 


    And Riker said, "Worf, take aim at this dunce!"
    "I'm deeply offended, Jean-Luc,' replied Q,
    "I just wanted to celebrate Christmas with you."

    As we scoffed at his words, he produced a large sack.
    He dumped out the contents and took a step back.
    "I've brought gifts," he said, "just to show I'm sincere. 


    There's something delightful for everyone here."
    He sat on the floor, and dug into the pile,
    And handed out gifts with his most charming smile:

    "For Counselor Troi, there's no need to explain,
    Here's Tylenol-Beta for all of your pain.

    For Worf I've some mints, as his breath's not too great
    And for Geordi LaForge, an inflatible date.
    For Wesley, some horomones, and Clearasil-plus;
    For Data, a joke book, for Riker a truss. 


    For Beverly Crusher, there's sleek lingerie,
    And for Jean-Luc, the thrill of just seeing her that way."
    And he sprang to his feet with that grin on his face,
    And, clapping his hands, disappeared into space.

    But we heard him exclaim as he dwindled from sight,
    "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good flight!"

    BONUS: All I Want For Christmas is You :: Star Trek Mashup



    Star Trek: The Holly Jolly Generation, part 11 of 12. The Enterprise D Annual Christmas Party, and all of the awkward small talk, disgruntled employees, and weird games that come along with company parties. A fair use parody.

    Another Version Here


    Thanks For Visiting

    Thursday, March 16, 2017

    LoriAnn

    A Golfer’s Night Before Christmas


    Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the green

    Not a golfer was stirring, not even one seen.

    The golf gloves were hung by the chimney with care,

    In hopes that a tee time soon would be theirs.



    Little duffers were nestled all snug in their beds,

    While visions of birdies danced in their heads.

    My friend in her visor, and I in my cap,

    Had just stored our clubs for a long winter's nap.



    With the course frozen over and no one about,

    I was walking alone when I heard someone shout.

    Away down the tenth fairway I ran in a flash,

    but I slipped on some ice and oh, what a crash.



    The ice on the hill showed off such a glow

    Right down to the half frozen hazard below.

    It was a disaster, or so it appeared,

    Until I was saved by a guy and reindeer.



    With one hand on his cart and one raising a glass,

    I knew in a moment this golfer had class.

    His game was amazing, hotter than hot

    And he whistled, and shouted, and called every shot!



    "Now draw it! Now, fade it! Now onto the green!

    Like Tiger! Like Arnie! Like Hogan and Snead!

    Right down the middle! The ball, it flew far!

    Now chip in! Now pitch in! Better than par!"



    I was still falling fast, nearly into the burn

    When the man and his cart had just made the turn.

    Down on my butt with my back nearly broke,

    This man scooped me up without missing a stroke.



    With a sigh of relief I gave him a nod

    And saw that his reindeer was naught but a dog.

    They were out chasing geese and getting some practice,

    I thought for a moment it might be Jack Nicklaus.



    He was dressed all in Nike, from his head to his toes,

    His clothes were all high tech, he was dressed like the pros.

    A bag full of golf clubs he had flung on his back,

    And he looked like a winner, not just some hack.



    His eyes - they were focused! his demeanor - most serious!

    He had on his game face, you just knew he meant business!

    Still I couldn't believe when I peeked at his card,

    On the front nine the man had shot nine under par!



    The stump of a cigar held tight in his teeth,

    Whenever he putted he never would peek.

    He had a smooth stroke straight to the cup,

    Then he'd look up and smile when he heard it go "plop."



    He was steady and straight, boy, could he stroke it,

    I thought, with some practice, I too could smoke it!

    I'm quite sure that no one could get in his head,

    Quite simply, I'd bet many tourneys he'd lead.



    He spoke not a word, but went right on playing,

    That this was a great round goes without saying.

    Six birdies, three eagles and soon he was done.

    When he'd finished eighteen, he'd shot fifty one!



    He turned in his cart, put the dog in his car,

    And faster than lightning bellied up to the bar.

    Then I heard him exclaim, "sure this was nifty,

    but think, if I'd dropped one, it could have been fifty!"



    GOOD GOLFING TO ALL AND TO ALL A MERRY CHRISTMAS!


    Thanks For Visiting

    Friday, March 10, 2017

    LoriAnn

    Twas The Net Before Christmas


    It twas the net before Christmas, When all thru our house,
    Not a creature was typing, Nor moving a mouse,

    Our monitors hummed, & were glowing within,
    In hopes that Saint Nick would soon "modem" in.

    The teenagers were crashed in their bedrooms,
    And dreaming of boxes that made sonic booms;

    Mom back from aerobics, and done kissing me,
    We'd just settled in for some much needed "zzz's"

    When in the home office there arose such a din,
    I shot down the stairs! Had that fax just come in?

    Away to the keyboard, I leapt into my chair,
    Typed in my password... But no fax was there!

    My screen came alive, it was wildly aglow,
    The hard drive went crunching, the "1" & the "0",

    When what to my bifocalled eye should I see,
    But a brand new Web Browser, Not A T & T,

    From a server so rapid, (Not one on the slates),
    That I thought for a moment, "It must be Bill Gates!"

    Incoming more Quickly than 14.4 fame,
    Screeching, now flashing, calling "Plug-Ins" by Name:

    "Now Java! Now Shockwave!, And Real Audio!
    On Webchat! On Quicktime! And 3VDO!

    To the World Wide Web system!!
    To the great hackers ball!!
    Now cache away!Cache away! Cache away all!!

    Beyond all the strengths of the new chips I see,
    This CPU giant brought power to me,

    And into my RAM a New Browser Sublime(!)
    Brimming with Programs, Saint Nick's on my Line!

    Then I, in a second, heard soundboarding in,
    Saint Nick's jolly laughter above all this din,

    I pulled back my hands, and fell out of my chair,
    In shock at the sight of Saint Nick standing there!

    Tho made up of pixels, He seemed very real,
    With clothing quite modern and full of appeal

    A bundle of CD'swere slung from his bag,
    He looked like an "X"er with middle-aged sag!

    He wore cool sunglasses, his face was electric;
    His cheeks two Mac Apples, his nose neon pink!

    His handsome full lips were set in a grin;
    With a snow white Bohemian beard on his chin.

    With the butt of a Cuban lit up with a flair,
    I saw cyber smoke making rings in the air!

    He'd got that "hep" look, and acted so mellow;
    But his belly still shook, still a Jolly Old Fellow!

    Flashing peace signs to all, and nodding his head,
    Led me to think I had nothing to dread;

    He spoke not a wordbut went straight to the show!..
    Left shiny new laptops, and then turned to go..

    And laying his finger aside of the node,
    As quick as a wink, thru the monitor he flowed;

    He appeared on the screen,on the keys poked delete,
    And transported away, his mission complete!

    But I heard him exclaim,
    As the screen had turned white,
    "CYBER CHRISTMAS TO ALL,
    AND TO ALL A GOOD BYTE!!"


    ~Author Unknown~

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    Friday, March 3, 2017

    LoriAnn

    Twas A Firefighter's Christmas Eve



    Twas the night before Christmas
    and all through the town,
    the fire siren echoed blaring its sound.
    The firefighters came running from far and from near,
    and raced to the trucks quickly donning their gear.

    And I in my bunkers my boots and my hat,
    jumped to the engine to see where the fire's at.
    Down at the corner of Fifth and of Oak,
    the dispatcher informed us of a house filled with smoke.

    Smoke poured from the sides, from up and from down,
    yet up on the roof there was none to be found.
    So up to the rooftop we raised up a ladder,
    and climbed up to see what was the matter.

    I came to the chimney and what did I see,
    but a fellow in red stuck up to his knees.
    Well we tugged and we pulled until he came out,
    then he winked with his eye and said with a shout.

    "These darn newfangled chimneys
    they make them too small,
    for a fellow as I, not skinny at all."
    With a twitch of his nose he dashed to his sleigh,
    and called to his reindeer, "AWAY now, AWAY."

    As we rolled up our hoses he flew out of sight, saying:
    "God bless our firefighters"
    ...and to all a good night.



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    Friday, February 24, 2017

    LoriAnn

    T'was the night before Christmas


    T'was the night before Christmas
    When there rose such a fuss.
    With all these packages to wrap,
    It was just 'way too much'.

    Family was coming,
    Food was a must,
    And, with so many people,
    It was either be ready or bust.

    "Get up from the TV,
    Get off your fat butt!
    If you don't get movin',
    You'll sleep with the mutt!"

    "Kids, get back to bed!"
    "Pitch the dog outdoors!
    Get goin', buddy,
    And sweep up the floor!"

    T'was an annual event
    And everyone knew
    Voices would rise
    As the tension grew.

    Mom wasn't happy
    And Dad was mad.
    And with all the noise,
    It made the little ones sad.
     
    Nope, Christmas wasn't merry.
    It wasn't CHRISTmas at all,
    In spite of painted faces
    Once guests entered the hall.

    What was the point
    In all the pretense?
    Could Santa and reindeer
    Come to their defense?

    Could packages and ribbons
    Make a home of love?
    Would settling for presents
    Still be enough?
     
    But, how could it be Christmas
    Without the fuss;
    Without all the presents,
    Wrappings, and such?

    Could Christmas come
    Without exhaustion, just bliss?
    And should we appreciate
    Whose birthday it is?

    And, if at our front door,
    Would we let Him in?
    And would He know
    The party's for Him?

    I must admit I had been
    Sort of selfish, myself;
    In attempt to mend
    My own inner self ...

    Creating Christmases
    To fulfill all my dreams,
    Only for others to live;
    Or so it does seem ...

    Forgetting whose birthday
    It really was
    And even the joy
    Of His tender touch.

    And so ...
    T'was the night before Christmas
    When I changed all my plans,
    To let the Christ-Child in
    And place my heart in His hands.


    Author:  Joyce C. Lock; 2008

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    Monday, February 13, 2017

    LoriAnn

    Twas Submarine Style




    Wednesday, February 8, 2017

    LoriAnn

    Rusty Chevrolet



    C'mon, cmon!
    C'mon, you can do it!
    (car starts)

    All right!
    Dashing through the snow
    in my Rusty Chevrolet
    Down the road I go
    Sliding all the way
    I need new piston rings
    I need some new snow tires
    My car is held together
    By a piece of chicken wire

    CHORUS
    Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke
    The door just blew away
    I light a match to see the dash
    And then I start to pray
    The frame is bent, the muffler went
    The radio, it's okay
    Oh what fun it is to drive
    This Rusty Chevrolet

    I went to the IGA
    To get some Christmas cheer
    I just passed up my left front tire
    And it's getting hard to steer
    Speeding down the highway
    Right past the Neguanee cops
    I have to drag my swampers
    Just to get the car to stop
    (chorus)

    (instrumental)

    Bouncing through the snowdrifts
    In a big blue cloud of smoke
    People laugh as I drive by
    And I wonder what's the joke
    Got to get to Shop-Ko
    To pick up the lay-away
    'Cause Santa Claus is coming soon
    In his big old rusty sleigh
    (chorus)





    Video
    "Rusty Chevrolet ft. Mater - A Wild West CARS Christmas"   
    Music "Rusty Chevrolet" by Da Yoopers

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    Saturday, February 4, 2017

    LoriAnn

    Christmas Worms


    By Julie Gordon

    'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
    not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse.

    I lay still beside him until I heard a snore,
    then I slipped from the bed and out through the door.

    I crept up the hallway and down the front stair;
    I tiptoed to the living room to see what was there.

    And lo and behold, under the tree,
    was a shiny black box labelled to ME!

    I pulled and I pried, and as I lifted the lid,
    I heard a cough from behind, my husband up from bed.

    I stood up and stammered "I-I just couldn't sleep";
    "Mm-hm", answered Don, "well that box'll keep".

    And so I resigned to go back to bed,
    but visions of gifts still danced through my head.

    A new dress, a necklace, a crate full of socks;
    what could possibly be contained in that box?

    A tea set, some perfume, a puppy to keep;
    I ran through the options as I drifted to sleep.

    In the morning I woke from that sleep with a scream;
    creepies and crawlies; I'd had a bad dream.

    And then I remembered just what day it was:
    December 25th, Christmas, of course!

    I ran to the living room to see what I'd get,
    but I wasn't prepared for the sight that I met.

    There were worms in the carpet, worms on the chairs,
    worms in the hallway, worms on the stairs.

    Worms hung from the lampshades and climbed up the walls;
    they infested the kitchen; they crawled through the halls.

    I looked at my husband; on his face was pure shock;
    bewildered he wondered "how'd they escape from that box?"

    And then I remembered that I'd lifted the lid;
    could worms have been what my Christmas box hid?

    "Yes", said my hubby, "it's a vermicomposter";
    under my breath I muttered "I'd as soon have a toaster".

    But alas I was stuck with this so-called 'worm bin',
    So I set about getting those worms back in.

    And now it's one year later, Christmas eve once again;
    my house plants are thriving, I've worm bins times ten.

    Yes, it's true, that black gold sure works like a charm;
    I can't wait 'til my husband opens his brand new ant farm!


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    Thursday, January 26, 2017

    LoriAnn

    Navy Corpsman's Night Before Christmas



    LARGER PICS HERE FROM BOOK

    Authors: Christine Ford & Trish Holland
    View More by This Author

    Description
    This story, written for military families, is about a visit from “the Santa of Sailors” to those who can’t be home for Christmas.
      ’Twas the night before Christmas, when way out to sea
      Not a creature was stirring to windward or lee.
      The sailors were nestled all snug in their racks
      Like orders of pancakes, so tight were the stacks.


    One Christmas Eve out at sea, some homesick sailors are paid a visit by Master Chief Claus, the Santa of Sailors. This lively and poignant tale was inspired by Clement C. Moore’s classic yuletide poem.

    Navy Corpsman's Night Before Christmas
    "'Twas the night before Christmas as I flew o'er the Marine Base,
    when I spied a young man who seemed out of place.
    His eyes showed compassion, his hair a bit long,
    but his head was held high and his body was strong.

    His air was confident, his uniform smart,
    but what impressed me most was the size of his heart.
    For he embodied honor, one of this country's best,
    and the words U.S. NAVY showed large on his chest.

    As I stood there in wonder and gazed into his eyes,
    the words that he spoke took me quite by surprise.
    "What's wrong Santa, haven't you ever seen a sailor before?"
    I sensed something special and longed to know more.

    "To be honest, this field thing wasn't part of my plan,
    but God didn't give me a boat or tin can."
    The words he spoke next surprised me all the more,
    "But I'm as proud of my Navy as I am of the Corps!"

    "Don't worry Santa, that I'm a sailor you see,
    for when a Marine goes down they will still call on me.
    They'll forget I'm a sailor, they'll call in my stock.
    At the top of their lungs they'll yell ,"Get me the doc!"

    "And I'll answer that call, anytime, anywhere.
    Though I know I'm a target I really don't care.
    I'll face incoming fire as I race cross the land,
    and use my very own body to shield a downed man."

    "Working long hours and into the night,
    my unit's battle is over, but I'm just starting to fight.
    For the life of every Marine is sacred to me.
    I refuse to surrender them to death, and in that I'll find victory."

    "And yet I'll take the time to comfort a dying man,
    to sit down by his side, to reach out and hold his hand.
    For it takes as much courage to care as to fight.
    For just as the poem says, many don't "go gently into that night."

    "Santa, it's not any one uniform that makes you a man,
    but rather it's those ideals for which you choose to stand.
    I draw my line here, it's long and it's plain.
    For pain, hurt and suffering are the things I disdain."

    I know very well that I may lose my life,
    so that a Marine may see an unmet child and young wife.
    So Santa, it really doesn't matter if they don't like my hair.
    I'm a Navy Corpsman, their Doc, and I'll always be there."

    "I follow the brave docs who have come long before,
    from Belleau Wood, Iwo, and Lebanon's shore.
    As history proudly shows, they all gave their best,
    and for those who have died, surely they're blessed."

    "At Inchon, the gulf and times during Tet,
    our brothers have fallen, but we carry on yet.
    For we carry their honor and legacy still."
    As I held back my tears it took all of my will.

    I had to leave him there for I had other plans,
    but I knew in my heart that the Corps is in good hands.
    As I flew away I heard his laughter, it rang so loud and clear.
    "Hey Santa, how 'bout a nice pair of boots for the 26 miler next year?"

    HMC(FMF/SW) Mark Forsberg
    2/3 UDP, Okinawa, December 1997


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