Twas a Florida Christmas

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the town, no noses were frozen, no snow fluttered down, no children in flannels were tucked into bed, they all wore shorty pajamas instead. To find wreaths of holly, t'was not very hard, for holly trees grew in every back yard. In front of the houses, Dads and Moms were adorning the bushes and coconut palms. The sleeping kiddies were dreaming in glee, hoping to find water skis under the tree. They all knew that Santa was well on his way, in a Mercedes-Benz, instead of a sleigh. And soon he arrived and started to work, he hadn't a second to linger or shirk. He whizzed up the highways and zoomed up the road, in a S-L 300, delivering his loads. The tropical moon gave the city a glow, and lighted the way for old Santa below. As he jumped from the auto he gave a wee chuckle, he was dressed in Bermudas with an Ivy league buckle, There weren't any chimneys, but that caused no gloom, for Santa came in through the Florida room. He stopped at each house....stayed only a minute, emptying his sack of stuff that was in it. Before he departed, he treated himself to a glass of papaya juice upon the shelf. He turned with a jerk and bounced to the car, remembering he still had to go very far. He shifted the gears and stepped on the gas and up Highway 436 he went like a flash. And I heard him exclaim as he went on his way, "MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL, I WISH I COULD STAY!" Thanks For Visiting

Twas A Fight Before Christmas

'Twas the "FIGHT" before Christmas when all through the house ... the tension was rising 'tween in-laws and spouse. 'Expecting the onslaught, she'd shopped, wrapped, and baked, Mom verged on exhaustion, her back cramped and ached. "This year will be perfect!" determined she vowed Then she lined up her brood, and she ordered aloud, '"Now, listen up, kids! Clean your ears, so you'll hear it! You'll stop all your whining and get into the spirit!" Their kinfolk were traveling from locales afar, to watch little Jen as she held up the Star, Jeremiah as drummer, and Jimmy as goat, and the rest of the rugrats playing Heavenly Host. The pastor who cast them, though 'twas said he was braver didn't trust Baby Paul to portray the sweet Savior. 'Now the eve of the holiday pageant had come. The mock angels fluttered, the wee drummer drummed, and drummed and he drummed until Mom thought she'd throttle that dear little drummer or go drown in a bottle. 'Their halo's cocksure, they were ready to go. Aunt Tessie glanced out, "Oooo, it's starting to snow!" So back to the closet for twenty-two boots, while Gramps sneaked to the sideboard for a couple of snoots 'Dad paced with impatience, beating tracks on the floor. Julie rushed from the house, clipped one wing in the door. Momma, on round-up, was prodding the herd. Julie wailed with dismay, "I WILL LOOK LIKE A NERD!"' Loading four vans full, they skidded to church, side-swiping two carolers, came to rest with a lurch, and disgorged the uncles, the cousins and aunties,  the angels and livestock, three Wisemen, and Granny.' 'When all were assembled they commanded three pews.  Freckled shepherds processed and proclaimed the Good News.  Momma leaned on Dad's shoulder, her stamina tested; on the other, the video camera was rested. Training its lens on his offspring with pride, disgruntled he found there was no tape inside. 'He cursed much too loud for his present location. His pious Aunt Phoebe prayed for his salvation. Granny sighed disappointment, "Tsk, tsk, what a shame."  Momma glared at her husband, volleyed bullets of blame. Dad was soundly upbraided by a clan 'twas adjacent  Poor pastor feared rightly that brouha' was nascent.  The man behind bellowed, "Sit down in the front." Dad howled, "Go to blazes, you overgrown punk." How the threats escalated, I haven't a hunch. And no one remembers who threw the first punch. But the fray that ensued was a Mother of  All right up to the altar, 'round the heavenly stall. Fur and feathers were flying, taunts rang through the air. There was gnashing of teeth and the pulling of hair. The peace of nativity wrenched by the roar, the manger upsot, dolly rolled 'cross the floor. The choir tried vainly to scream out the lines, of the old-fashioned favorite, 'The Tie That Binds.' Soon the kids took their cue from their fathers and mothers, And the air became littered with the straw and the fodder. Young oxen were kicking, little donkeys were braying, the shepherds' rods snapped and poor pastor was praying. Once innocent angels from heaven were falling, and even wee Drummer was biting and brawling. The candlesticks tottered, the altar was battered, the tree lying prone, pastor's vestments were tattered. Then sweet, one-winged Julie, fearing huge conflagration,was sparked by the blaze of Divine inspiration.She gathered up all of the cherubs, I'm told, and began tearing one wing from each little shoulder. When the dust finally settled, only one light remained, A lone Christmas candle whose heavenly flame bathed the children in gold, with arms 'round each other, turning angels with black eyes to sisters and brothers. Their timorous voices sang out, 'Silent Night,' overpowering the fracas and ending the fight. So this story of angels with singleton wings, who like the blest infant, humbled powerful kings, taught a lesson of love to the grown-ups that night: Only Bearing Each Other Up, Can We Take Flight. And the pastor blessed all, waved them home with relief, "Merry Christmas. Go Home. And May God Grant You Peace!" by Mary C. Ginn, copyright 1992

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Politically Correct Santa

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves," "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. -And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society. -And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid! - The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A. And people had started to call for the cops When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops. - Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur-trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened." And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose. - And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, Demanding millions in over-due compensation. So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life, - Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on her title was Ms. And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion That making a choice could cause so much commotion. - Nothing of leather, nothing of fur, Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her. - Nothing that might be construed to pollute. Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot. - Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys. Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. Nothing that's war-like or non-pacific. - No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden. - For they raised the hackles of those psychological Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt; Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt. - Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe; And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; He just could not figure out what to do next. - He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, But you've got to be careful with that word today. His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable was to be found. - Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to all without angering the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision, Each group of people, every religion; - Every ethnicity, every hue, Everyone, everywhere...even you. So here is that gift, its price beyond worth... "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth." (c) Harvey Ehrlich, 1992

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Twas A California Christmas

T'was the night before Christmas in a California town, You could tell by the rock and shake of the ground. I lay in my bed, my head all 'a wonder, Thinking not now...it just must be thunder. When all of a sudden, I flew from my bed, Tripped on the ceiling, and fell on my head. I arose in a flash, to see what I could, And stopped in my tracks, for in fact there he stood. He stood there before me, all covered in dust, His hat all in tatters, his clothes all 'a muss. I thought for a moment he seemed kinda dazed, His eyes were aglow, but they seemed awfully glazed. I called out to Carol, get up, come 'a runnin, Come see this old fat guy, he really is somethin. He said not a word, but went right to his sack, He started to load it and said he'd be back! He went right to work, he knew just what to do, He took all that we had, even our stew. He finished so quick, it just took a wink, In a moment he took, even the sink. I ran to the window, and threw open the sash, Flung back the curtains, gee I was rash. And to my amazement there out on the lawn, Were Donner and Blitzin, Maurice and Ron. Then Carol came 'a runnin, she jumped to the window, Just in time to spy, Santa's new bimbo. She was tall, she was blond, quite preppy you know, I guess she was bitchin, in her dress cut so low. I ran to the phone, just all in a tizzy, dialed 911 help, and found it quite busy. Off to the closet, my gun it was there, I'd shoot that old bastard, and not even care. Then Carol said softly, my love it's all right, Let him have those old items, it is Christmas night. So....... I yelled to the world, I wanted to warn ya, Christmas is way different, in California. Copyright 1995 Written for Carol by R.C. Dawson of Richmond, Virginia Thanks For Visiting

50 Acts Of Kindness For Kids

Today starts the 50 Days Before Christmas and The Random Acts Of Kindness to bring us all into the upcoming holiday season with a sense of purpose. TRY IT - AND YOU WILL FEEL INSPIRED 1 Be a holiday helper – volunteer to deliver local christmas cards 2 Clean up the area where you live by picking up litter.  Make sure you wear gloves and do it with an adult. 3 Cook dinner for your family 4 Deice your neighbours windshields in the morning 5 Deliver cookies to your neighbours 6 Donate a coat or jumper to charity (leaving a happy note in the pocket) 7 Donate books to your school library 8 Donate pet food to a local shelter 9 Donate to the local food bank 10 Dontae this weeks pocket money to charity 11 Find three of your toys to give to the local childrens hospital 12 Give a homeless person a blanket 13 Give a lottery ticket to a stranger 14 Give out a complement 15 Give out free hugs today 16 Help round the house without being asked to 17 Hold the door open for people all day 18 Introduce yourself to someone new at school and chat with them 19 Invite a new friend for a play date or out to play 20 Leave a beautiful homemade bookmark in your library book and give one to the Librarian 21 Leave chalk messages around where you live 22 Leave change in the vending machine 23 Leave out water for the birds 24 Leave the pound in the shopping trolley next time you go to the supermarket 25 Let someone go in front of you in a queue 26 Make a bird feeder 27 Make a christmas card for the school receptionist 28 Make a thank you card for the school crossing staff 29 Make a tree decoration for your baby sitter 30 Make christmas cards for your neighbours 31 Make christmas flowers for the reception at school 32 Offer to help an elderly friend or neighbour with their christmas decorations 33 Offer to pack the shopping bags of the person in front of you and behind you at the supermarket 34 Pass on some of your books to friends 35 Put together a shoebox for your local church 36 Ring an elderly relative and have a nice chat to them 37 Send a care package to someone in the military 38 Sharpen all the pencils in the classroom at breaktime 39 Sit next to someone you normally don’t at the lunch table and be nice to them 40 Smile all day 41 Sort through your toys and donate any that you no longer play with to charity or your local church 42 Take everyone in your class a candy cane or cookie 43 Take poinsettias to your nearest nursing home 44 Tidy your bedroom 45 Walk someone elses dog 46 Wash your parents car 47 Write a letter to your sibling telling them why you love them 48 Write a note and mail them to the houses with great christmas lights saying thank you for lighting up their house for you to see 49 Write a thank you note for the bin collectors and post person 50 Write thank you cards for your teacher, coach, Cubs leader or people that have influenced you in a positive way Date Determined at Calculator.net Thanks For Visiting

Twas A Parent's Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas  (12:15 am), & all thru the house, All the kids was stirring, even the mouse. The stockings were hung by the stove with care, With mom on the floor pulling out her hair. 1:10 am the children were wrestled and tied to their beds,  While visions of bikes & Barbies danced in their heads; And mamma with her nerve pills; and I with my gin, Had just sat down with the big pile of tin. When out in the street there rose such a clatter, I threw down the bike to see whats the matter; Away to the door I flew like a flash, Stepping on the cat, in my curious dash. I stood on the porch and looked all about, When the door slammed behind me & I was locked out.  When what to my tearing eyes should apear, But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer! With a little old man, so perky and quick, I knew in a moment it was St. Nick. He turned to me and said with a pause: "My name is Santa,,, the last name is Clause" I was statled, confused all the same, A little buzzed as I heard him exclaim; "This is Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, And Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen." With all his help it seemed to be fit, To ask him to sit with the kids for a bit. His eyes-how they twinkled-his dimples so merry, His cheeks red as a rose, his nose like a cherry. He had a red face and a round belly, That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly. "Dont worry son, the stress that you feel now is a test, In around 18 years you will finally get to rest" said he. Kicking the dog from his way, he turned to his work, Filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk. And putting his finger inside of his nose, And giving me a nod, up the chimney he rose. He ran to his sleigh, to his team he gave a shout, "Lets go guys, its time to head out." But I heard him yell, as he flew out of sight, "Remember, 18 years, then you will be alright." ~author unknown~ Thanks For Visiting

Twas A Month After Christmas

'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a slumber). I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please." As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt--- I said to myself, as I only can "You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!" So--away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip Every last bit of food that I like must be banished "Till all the additional ounces have vanished. I won't have a cookie--not even a lick. I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--- But isn't that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet! Author unknown Thanks For Visiting

Twas An AOL Christmas

T'was the night before Christmas, I just couldn't sleep. So I hopped out of bed and downstairs I did creep. I went to the kitchen in search of a bite. If I filled up my stomach, perhaps I'd sleep tight. The cupboard was empty the fridge, it was bare. I searched but I couldn't find food anywhere. I looked out the window: Streets covered with snow; at two in the morning- just where could I go? I spied my computer, I just go boot-up that. I'll take me online for some Christmas Eve chat. The modem connected without a delay! In the blink of an eye, I'd be chatting away. BUT -no voice bid me "Welcome" or said: "You've got mail." And I thought now's a bad time for my sound card to fail. My buddy list opened with not even one name. Is everyone sleeping? Well, I'll go play a game. I couldn't get into Out Of Order or Slingo. Strike A Match wouldn't work -and neither did Bingo! The chat rooms were empty! I thought: Wow! That's just great? AOL picked a fine time for another update. IM's weren't working. My mail wouldn't send. I felt so alone. Couldn't find just one friend. But wait! What's that sound? Did I just hear a chime? There's someone else out there. Somebody's on-line! In wonder I read: "Hey---it's 3:53". "Your friends are all sleeping; that's where you should be". "Turn off that 'puter. Take your hand off that mouse". "I have a few things to drop off at your house". "You know I can't stop there while you're still awake". "I have schedules to keep. Come on-"Give Me A Break!" If you really are Santa (that jolly, old elf) there's only one present I'd wish for myself. The folks on my buddy list. Those friends far and near. You just gather them up and bring them right here. In just a few hours I awoke with a start. It was only a dream-I sighed heavy of heart. I walked down the stairs and there 'round my tree, were all of the people I thought I'd never see. We laughed and we {hugged} and we just had a ball. Hmmmmmm--maybe that wasn't a dream after all. So listen up people this secret I'll tell: I've found the real Santa- -He's on A O L!!!! Thanks For Visiting

Santa is Pissed

WARNING ADULT CONTENT T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed He cussed out the elves and threw down his list Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks I have good mind to scrap the whole I've busted my butt for damn near a year Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear? The old lady complains cause I work late at night The elves want more money  & the reindeer all fight! Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS And just when I thought that things would get better Those a**holes from IRS  sent me a letter! They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny Who the heck ever sends Santa Clause money? And the kids these days... they all are the pits. They want the impossible; Those mean little shits! I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds Assembling dolls... Their arms, legs and heads I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them They want computers and robots ... they think I'm IBM! If you think that's bad... just picture this Try holding those brats... with their pants full of piss They pull on my nose - they grab at my beard And if I don't smile...   their moms think I'm weird Flying through the air- dodging the trees Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees I'm quitting this job! There's just no enjoyment; I'll sit on my fat tush  and draw unemployment There's no Christmas this year_ now you know the reason; I found me a blonde.. I'm going SOUTH for the season!! I'll lay in the sun- into bed I'll get tucked And those snotty nosed brats  - can go and get  ****ed! Thanks For Visiting

Twas A Night Before Christmas Alone

Twas A Night Alone Before Christmas When all through the house Not a creature was stirring Except one little mouse No children to snuggle All snug in their bed Just silence and tear drops And pain in my head. The man in my life Was out with a friend; And I thought the night Never would end. I sat on my bed Watching that little mouse And thinking that man Was really a louse. Then out on the porch There arose such a clatter I jumped up and ran To see what was the matter. It was just my man Coming home at three When I opened the door He smiled at me. "Merry Christmas" he said As he stumbled into the house. He slept Christmas Day While I sat watching a mouse. PLEASE REMEMBER THIS SEASON THAT THERE ARE THOSE OF US WHO DO LOVE YOU AND WOULD LOVE TO SPEND A CHRISTMAS WITH YOU INSTEAD OF YOU WITH A BOTTLE. THESE SO-CALLED PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU SO ARE YOUR PARTNER, FAMILY AND YOUR CHILDREN! Thanks For Visiting

A Manic Mom's Christmas Night

Twas the night before Christmas, when all thru the abode only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode. The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds, while visions of Nintendo 64 and Barbie, flipped through their heads. The dad was snoring in front of the TV, with a half-constructed bicycle on his knee. So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter, which made her sigh, "Now what's the matter?" With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand, she descended the stairs, and saw the old man. He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug. "Oh great," muttered the mom, "Now I have to clean the rug." "Ho-ho-ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake." "Your gift was especially difficult to make." "Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone." "Exactly!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone." A clone?" she asked, "What good is that? Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit-chat." The mother's twin. Same hair, same eyes, same double chin. "She'll cook, she'll dust, " she'll mop every mess. You'll relax, take it easy, watch The Young & the Restless." "Fantastic!" the mom cheered. "My dream come true! "I'll shop. I'll read., I'll sleep a whole night through! " From the room above, the youngest began to fret. "Mommy?! I scared... and I 'm wet." The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart." "Hey," the mom smiled, "She knows her part." The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune, as she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon. "You the best mommy ever. " I really love you." The clone smiled and sighed, "I love you, too." The mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal. " That's my child's love, she's trying to steal." Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear, " Only one loving mother, is needed here." The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed. "Thank you, Santa, " for clearing my head. I sometimes forget, it won't be very long, when they'll be too old, for my cradle-song." The clock on the mantle began to chime. Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time." With the clone by his side Santa said, "Goodnight. Merry Christmas, Mom, You'll be all right." " Manic Moms " written by: Karen Spiegler, Editor/Publisher Thanks For Visiting

Twas The Nightmare Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the house Not a creature was stirring, Except me and a mouse. The stocking I hung with a hope and a prayer Using scotch tape and pins, Not a tack anywhere. And Momma in her robe with the fuzzy, pink nap Had retired to our bedroom with presents to wrap. When what with my wondering ears do I hear; But, " I need more scotch tape! Will you bring me some Dear? " Away to the stockings I flew like a flash I had used all the tape Yes I know, that was rash. In the bedroom I found that my wife had made do; Resourceful as usual, with model plane glue. One look in her eyes and I knew I was right After wrapping six gifts, she was high as a kite. I finished the wrapping with liberated tape, the stockings I'd cleverly pinned to the drape. I had just gone to sleep when alarmed by a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. The drapery had fallen and I knew who to blame Then a small voice behind me squeaked, "SANTA CAME!" As told and wrote by L.Gruber@1991 Thanks For Visiting

Santa's Having a Bad Night

Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the house, All the stomachs were churning, Cause they ate that dumb mouse. When down through the Chimney, Did Saint Nick fall, the alarm was tripped, and to the police went a call. He fell on his face, and let out a big roar, then fell loose bricks, there were forty or more. Bruises and scratches, and a bump on his head, Santa fell down, Perhaps he was dead? Alas he was not, and up he staggered, slightly drunk and cursing Jimmy Swaggart. A black and white pulled up with red lights a'flashing, Ole' Saint Nick just started and said, "S-S-S-Simply ssssmashing." The Family awoke, and readied their Mace, And Ole Nick just fell flat on his face. The police rushed in, but before they could react, Eight tiny reindeer Started to attack. The fighting went on At a sickening pace, Santa wasn't much help, He was still on his face. The violence was terrible. The car, how it flew! But finally into "the drunk tank" St. Nicholas they threw. They took him to the station, And threw the old man away, But eight tiny reindeer sprang him, And he hopped back in his sleigh. And I heard him exclaim, As he drove out of sight, "Forget you all and Make your own Christmas Night!" Author Unknown

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Twas' Christmas Thoughts

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse And on goes the story about Christmas Eve And the jolly old man in whom we believe Have you even wondered how Santa came to be So important to Christmas and to you and to me? Well, it all began a long time ago The night before Christ to earth was to go All prepared to make Christ's birth well announced With angels and music and anthems pronounced But alas, all had forgotten in the final rush How to make Christ's birthday remembered to us The kingdom was searched for the most excellent plan That would help us remember God's gift to man A saintly old fellow, so jolly and gay Came up with the best plan that was offered that day He said, "Send a fellow each year at this time Who would help people be happy and comfort their minds He could help man remember that God loves us so By bringing presents to both friend and foe "He would show by example that true love and joy Come only when shared with each girl and each boy" Heaven decided that Santa's plan would be just right And Santa was asked to play the part that very first night So from the first Christmas right down to today When one heard the bells jingling and saw the big sleigh They knew it was Santa making his way To remind the world of the love Jesus gave So, this night before Christmas when you hear Santa come Remember he's doing it for the love of God's Son Remember that he teaches as did Christ of old That to give of one's self is more precious than gold So, this night before Christmas when you hear Santa come Remember he's doing it for the love of God's Son Remember that he teaches as did Christ of old That to give of one's self is more precious than gold by DAVID M. STEED

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Ten Best Uses for a Fruitcake Contest

Fruitcake Contest - "What to do with it theme" --brought to you by: GeniesHoliday Note: December 27, 2019 is National Fruitcake Day Here is the saga of one fruitcake or, THE TEN DAYS OF CHRISTMAS DAY 1 -- For the railroad passenger car we own, a STEPBOX, we thought. Nobody would steal it-but didn't work. Too heavy to lift back on board safely; a hazard it was stated. DAY 2 -- So Dan took to work, at a Railroad to offer as a CHOCK (which is a "doorstop" of sorts for RR. cars, to keep them from rolling away). They declined as they feared it would be put on track and cause a Derailment instead! DAY 3-- T-Shirt Harry surely needed it as BALLAST for drowning his St Louis Stallions T-shirt supply in the river. He declined as it would cause water pollution and would get the Army Corp. of Engineers after him for changing terrain of river. DAY4 -- So the Army Corp. of Engineers got the Call, for firming the Chesterfield LEVEE on the MO River. Businesses and animal rights agencies caused such an outcry! "All the Dead Fish!" they proclaimed that would diminish property and business values and the pooooor little animals. DAY 5 -- The jocks might not notice an extra HOCKEY PUCK or SOCCER BALL! Too many injuries were reported that day from impact and even the Lexan protective glass was shattered. DAY 6 -- The automakers were contacted --a SPARE TIRE for sure. Nope! It was Square, and could not be cut by their finest lathes that's for sure! BY NOW we were desperate, and remembered the season that was near! Almost time for CHRISTMAS thus a GIFT someone would fear! DAY 7-- The Dogs were offered this new TREAT for their taste. "NO THANK YOU" they said, as the DOG FOOD was far superior in their case! DAY 8 --We called Santa, perhaps a REINDEER SURPRISE!! "Oh NO!" Said dear Santa, "I want those turkeys to Fly!!" "Belly draggers" he muttered and "Drunk Drivers from the rum!" COAL for those Maguire stockings for even suggesting this, even in fun! DAY 9 -- Came the decorating and Mrs. N's Christmas tree. It's one of those old Aluminum Silver things, that turns with a motor using a COLOR WHEEL with a light! Surely fruitcake would lend new COLORS and new meaning to the season! She claimed not to know me, a friend of 40 years!! (The tree still lives on, but better bathed in white!!) DAY 10 --This was it, time to PRAY for a spot. To the in-city Church we went thinking positive thoughts. It came to us in a shaft of light!! UNBREAKABLE STAINED GLASS if sliced thin enough would surely be right. It was cut, and was hung, and was a Beautiful SIGHT. Thus the tradition of Fruitcake lives on, this pre-Christmas night!! Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukah to all! You all are invited over for a Little Brandied Fruitcake! :::Why is everyone turning page quickly?:::::  Everyone?? Anyone home out there?? --Janice Maguire, Dec 06, 1993

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Twas a Rescued Dog's Christmas Eve

Make a shelter dog happy this season by becoming a short-term foster home over the holidays. Check with your local animal shelter. 'Tis the night before Christmas and all through the town, every shelter is full - we are lost but not found, Our numbers are hung on our kennels so bare, we hope every minute that someone will care, They'll come to adopt us and give us the call, "Come here, Max and Sparkie - come fetch your new ball!! But now we sit here and think of the days.. we were treated so fondly - we had cute, baby ways. Once we were little, then we grew and we grew - now we're no longer young and we're no longer new. So out the back door we were thrown like the trash, they reacted so quickly - why were they so rash? We "jump on the children:, "don't come when they call", we "bark when they leave us", climb over the wall. We should have been neutered, we should have been spayed, now we suffer the consequence of the errors THEY made. If only they'd trained us, if only we knew... we'd have done what they asked us and worshiped them, too. We were left in the backyard, or worse -let to roam- now we're tired and lonely and out of a home. They dropped us off here and they kissed us good-bye... "Maybe someone else will give you a try." So now here we are, all confused and alone... in a shelter with others who long for a home. The kind workers come through with a meal and a pat, with so many to care for, they can't stay to chat, They move to the next kennel, giving each of us cheer... we know that they wonder how long we'll be here. We lay down to sleep and sweet dreams fill our heads.. of a home filled with love and our own cozy beds. Then we wake to see sad eyes, brimming with tears -- our friends filled with emptiness, worry, and fear. If you can't adopt us and there's no room at the Inn - could you help with the bills and fill our food bin? We count on your kindness each day of the year can you give more than hope to everyone here? Please make a donation to pay for the heat... and help get us something special to eat. The shelter that cares for us wants us to live, and more of us will, if more people will give. What to Ask Before Giving a Puppy for Christmas Sometimes a puppy can seem like the perfect gift. But, puppies are a long-term commitment. Ask these questions before giving someone a puppy for Christmas. Click here To Help Just- a- buck will help out these pets this Holiday Season. Thank you from me and my loyal friend. Thanks For Visiting

Santa Claus Timeline

The man we know as Santa Claus has a history all his own. Today, he is thought of mainly as the jolly man in red, but his story stretches way way back in time.

A Modern 12 Days Of Christmas

The Twelve Days of Christmas Revised for the Modern World by Sarah Murray On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a cell phone with 90 minutes free. On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 2 Tomigatchis and a cell phone with 90 minutes free. On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 3 on-line services, 2 Tomigatchis, and a cell phone with 90 minutes free. On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 4 collect calls, 3 on-line services, 2 Tomigatchis, and a cell phone with 90 minutes free. On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 5 Beanie Babies, 4 collect calls, 3 on-line services, 2 Tomigatchis, and a cell phone with 90 minutes free. On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 6 laser printers, 5 Beanie Babies, 4 collect calls, 3 on-line services, 2 Tomigatchis, and a cell phone with 90 minutes free. On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 7 office laptops, 6 laser printers, 5 Beanie Babies, 4 collect calls, 3 on-line services, 2 Tomigatchis, and a cell phone with 90 minutes free. On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 8 WWJD bands, 7 office laptops, 6 laser printers, 5 Beanie Babies, 4 collect calls, 3 on-line services, 2 Tomigatchis, and a cell phone with 90 minutes free. On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 9 Tickle Me Elmos, 8 WWJD bands, 7 office laptops, 6 laser printers, 5 Beanie Babies, 4 collect calls, 3 on line services, 2 Tomigatchis, and a cell phone with 90 minutes free. On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 10 Adidas jackets, 9 Tickle Me Elmos, 8 WWJD bands, 7 office laptops, 6 laser printers, 5 Bennie Babies, 4 collect calls, 3 on-line services, 2 Tomigatchis, and a cell phone with 90 minutes free. On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 11 cool CDs, 10 Adidas jackets, 9 Tickle Me Elmos, 8 WWJD bands, 7 office laptops, 6 laser printers, 5 Beanie Rabies, 4 collect calls, 3 on-line services, 2 Tomiqatchis, and a cell phone with 90 minutes free. On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 12 awesome friends, 11 cool CDs, 10 Adidas jackets, 9 Tickle Me Elmos, 8 WWJD bands, 7 office laptops, 6 laser printers, 5 Beanie Babies, 4 collect calls, 3 on-line services, 2 Tomigatchis, and A CELL PHONE WlTH 90 MINUTES FREE! Modern Christmas Verses and Modern Gifts Thanks For Visiting

Twas A Firefighter's Christmas Eve

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town, the fire siren echoed blaring its sound. The firefighters came running from far and from near, and raced to the trucks quickly donning their gear. And I in my bunkers my boots and my hat, jumped to the engine to see where the fire's at. Down at the corner of Fifth and of Oak, the dispatcher informed us of a house filled with smoke. Smoke poured from the sides, from up and from down, yet up on the roof there was none to be found. So up to the rooftop we raised up a ladder, and climbed up to see what was the matter. I came to the chimney and what did I see, but a fellow in red stuck up to his knees. Well we tugged and we pulled until he came out, then he winked with his eye and said with a shout. "These darn newfangled chimneys they make them too small, for a fellow as I, not skinny at all." With a twitch of his nose he dashed to his sleigh, and called to his reindeer, "AWAY now, AWAY." As we rolled up our hoses he flew out of sight, saying: "God bless our firefighters" ...and to all a good night. Thanks For Visiting

Twas A Week Before Christmas Break for Teachers

Twas the week before Christmas Break And all through the school, All the students were out of their minds breaking rules. Kids were on Snapchat, Instagram, and Twitter, All the teachers regretting they let their students use glitter. What was I thinking when I assigned that test? I’ll spend the whole holiday grading and getting no rest. While my friends are all skiing, Or in Florida getting tans, I’ll be in my living room With my paystub in my hand. Sugar highs and wild eyes from candy and cookies, Teach grammar, no forget this, I’m putting on a movie. Knock knock on the door, who could it be before vacation? Not Santa Claus, it’s my principal, He picked today for my formal evaluation. Why are kids on desks and putting crayons up their nose? You observed me 5 days before Christmas, bud, that’s how it goes. Can’t wait for Christmas dinner Where someone will say more than twice, “You get 2 weeks off from work? I wish I was a teacher, That must be nice.” Hey Danny, hey Tommy, Stop Johnny and Maizy, Sit Rachel, quit Michael, You’re driving me crazy! A students says, “Hey teacher, Can you fix my grade? If you don’t I’ll be grounded The whole Christmas Break.” Young student you must really be out of your mind, If you think the any of the blame for your grade could be mine. I told you in September, October, and November, It’s time to start working, but you didn’t remember. But I’ll you give you an A to show Christmas spirit, Actually, I’m just tired and I don’t want to hear it. In comes an email asking for chaperones for the winter dance, Can’t think that far ahead, but only about the next two weeks wearing sweatpants. Don’t bother to email, don’t even try to call, I’ll hide behind planters if I see parents and students at the mall. Of course I love my students, and will miss them during the break, But two of weeks of rest, I’ll gladly take. When that final bell rings, I’ll be out of sight, Merry Christmas to all, Now go drink some wine. Also see the fun video and another poem for "Twas the week before Christmas..." by Beachy Cove Elementary" Thanks For Visiting

Twas The Week Before Christmas | Satellite Shelters

‘Twas the week before Christmas when all through the town, The foreman and contractors were all running around. The bid was accepted and there was so much to do, To locate a trailer and have it by two! The coat was hanging on the hook by the door, But Tom didn’t want to feel the panic no-more. The boss was all frantic with his head in a spin, This project was Tom’s and time was running thin. Kevin on vacation and Lynne away from her desk, Both ready for the weekend, which was approaching fast. When out on the corner there arose such a clatter, Tom ran out by the pickup to see what was the matter. The morning snow glistened on the white covered roads, As everyone arrived with coffee under their nose. When what to sleepy eyes should appear…? But a Satellite Trailer being hauled by reindeer! With a cheerful driver in the holiday mood, Dressed in red head to toe, not to be misconstrued. Tom knew by the way that Jingle Bells was sung, That this driver had a great day and it was almost done. More speedy than NASCAR, the trailer it came, With a jolly old driver that Tom knew by name. “Hi Tom”, “Hi Chris”, “Hi Marty and Steve.” “Hi Sabrina”, “Hi Kathleen”, and “Happy (almost) Christmas Eve!” To the spot on the site where you want the trailer set, Show me the way as that is where I want to get. Stay clear of the area as we are coming on through, For I have this trailer that was ordered just for you! I will block it, set it, and tie it down the right way, For Satellite Shelters is here to save the day! Jeff hummed the tune to Frosty and went straight to work, As he thought of his family, he couldn’t help but smirk. When the job was complete and he turned to go, Believe it or not…it began to snow! You heard them all sigh as he drove out of sight, “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!” Wishing you much health and happiness this holiday season! Satellite Shelters, Inc. is an industry leader in prefabricated modular buildings, mobile offices, blast-resistant modules, construction jobsite office trailers, and storage solutions. Thanks For Visiting

Twas A Dalmation's Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas And all through the crates Not a Dalmatian was stirring Not even for bait. The puppies were nestled All snug in their beds While visions of biscuits Danced in their heads The stockings were hung By the fireplace of stone In hopes they'd be filled With rawhide and bones Ma in her nightshirt And I in my robe Had just settled down By the ol' woodstove When out on the lawn There arose such a commotion I sprang from my chair To see why the dogs weren't in motion Away to the window I ran like a deer Tore open the shade To see who was here The moon on the top Of the new fallen snow Gave the luster of doghair To the ground below. And what do I see To my started exclamation But a miniature sleigh And eight spotted dalmatians. With a little 'ole handler So poised and so sure I knew in a moment 'Twould not be a bore More rapid than beagles His charges they came And he whistled and shouted And called them by name Now Austin, now Blackjack Now Chips and Josh P On Morris and Fancy On Lace and Indy To the top of the doghouse To the top of the wall Now dash away, dash away Dash away all As the dry leaves that before A running Dalmatian fly Meet with an obstacle Mount to the sky So up to the housetop The coursers they flew With a sleigh full of choo-hooves And St, Nicholas too. And then in an instant I heard on the roof The scratching and digging Of each spotted foot. As I drew in my head And was turning around Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. He was dressed all in fur But had not a care For his clothes were all covered With black and white hair. A bundle of toys He had flung on his back And he looked like a groomer Just opening his pack. His eyes how they twinkled His dimples how merry His cheeks were like roses His nose like a cherry, His small little mouth Smile to greet all his pals And the beard on his chin Was as white as the dals. He had a broad little face And a round little tummy That wriggled when he laughed Like the tail of a puppy. He was chubby and plump A right jolly old boy The dogs barked when they saw him Their eyes on the toys. A wink of his eye And a twist of his head Soon told the dogs They had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word But went straight to his work. And filled all the stockings Then turned with a jerk. And with a pat to each Spotted dog's nose Giving a nod Up the chimney he rose. He sprang to his sleigh To his team gave a whistle And away they all flew Like the down of a thistle. And I heard him exclaim As he drove out of sight "Happy showing to all And to all a good night." © Karen Darling 1993

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