Twas Christmas on Facebook

Behold, 'Twas the Night Before Christmas ... On Facebook  'Twas Christmas on Facebook, when all through the house Every parent was posting, and clicking their mouse The Instagram filters were chosen with care, In hopes that each image would soon get a share. Each status included a funny thing their kid said So much to be documented, so much to be read! And Junior on his potty, and Missy mid-nap Everyone geo-tagged and placed on a map When somewhere off-screen there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my laptop to see what was the matter Away from my monitor I began to explore Blinked in the non-LCD light, and opened the door The moon was so pretty -- like a promoted post! And I suddenly saw it: a surprise Christmas ghost Yes, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer. When a little old driver climbed down the apparatus I immediately wanted to update my status But more rapid than eagles his phrases they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name! "Now, Friend Me! now, Like Me! now, Poke Me and Share! On, Political Rant! On, Pet Photo! On, Awkward Public Prayer! To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!" And then I realized my posting was belated Why, I'd describe Santa's visit like this: "It was Complicated!" As I reached for my phone and clicked the mobile app Suddenly on my shoulder there came a gentle tap He looked a bit weary, that Santa, all told And he told me my updates were getting quite old The Someecards, the gym check-ins, the stuff from George Takei (On that last one he actually rolled a twinkly eye) "Your cat photos -- so annoying! Your kid pictures -- so corny! You're cluttering my news feed with statuses that bore me!" His droll little mouth was drawn up to let fly And he was totally giving me the Santa Stink Eye He spoke not a word more, but went straight to my browser, And perused my Timeline as he hitched up his trousers And rubbing his head with a murmur of "How banal," And giving a nod, he deleted my Wall! Then he sprang to his sleigh, and to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, "You've been a fine hostess, Happy Facebook to all, and I bet 99% of you won't repost this!" Author: Linda Sharps Also see Linda's Version for MOM's Thanks For Visiting

Twas Christmas On The Enterprise

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip: The phasers were hung in the armory securely, In hope that no alien would get up that early. The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks (Except for the few who were partying drunks) And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace, Had just settled down for a neat face to face. . . When out in the hall there arose such a racket, That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pant and jacket. Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun, Leapt into the turbos and shouted "Deck One!"  The bridge red-alert lights, which flashed through the din, Gave a lustre of Hades to objects within. When, what on the viewscreen, our eyes should behold, But a weird kind of sleigh, and some guy who looked old. But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew, That we knew in a moment it had to be Q. His sleigh grew much larger as closer he came. Then he zapped on the bridge and addressed us by name:  "It's Riker, It's Data, It's Worf and Jean-Luc! It's Geordi, Weasley, the genetic fluke! To the top of the bridge, to the top of the hull! Now float away! Float away! Float away all!" As leaves in the autumn are whisked off the street, So the floor of the bridge came away from our feet, And up to the ceiling, our bodies they flew, As the captain called out, 'what the Hell is this, Q?!" And, snapping his fingers, he vanished again. The spell was removed, and we crashed to the ground.  Then Q, dressed in fur from head to toe, Appeared once again, to continue the show. "That's enough!" cried the captain, "You'll stop this at once!"  And Riker said, "Worf, take aim at this dunce!" "I'm deeply offended, Jean-Luc,' replied Q, "I just wanted to celebrate Christmas with you." As we scoffed at his words, he produced a large sack. He dumped out the contents and took a step back. "I've brought gifts," he said, "just to show I'm sincere.  There's something delightful for everyone here." He sat on the floor, and dug into the pile, And handed out gifts with his most charming smile: "For Counselor Troi, there's no need to explain, Here's Tylenol-Beta for all of your pain. For Worf I've some mints, as his breath's not too great And for Geordi LaForge, an inflatible date. For Wesley, some horomones, and Clearasil-plus; For Data, a joke book, for Riker a truss.  For Beverly Crusher, there's sleek lingerie, And for Jean-Luc, the thrill of just seeing her that way." And he sprang to his feet with that grin on his face, And, clapping his hands, disappeared into space. But we heard him exclaim as he dwindled from sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good flight!" BONUS: All I Want For Christmas is You :: Star Trek Mashup Star Trek: The Holly Jolly Generation, part 11 of 12. The Enterprise D Annual Christmas Party, and all of the awkward small talk, disgruntled employees, and weird games that come along with company parties. A fair use parody. Another Version Here

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A Golfer’s Night Before Christmas

Check Out Thee Actual Book Here Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the green Not a golfer was stirring, not even one seen. The golf gloves were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that a tee time soon would be theirs. Little duffers were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of birdies danced in their heads. My friend in her visor, and I in my cap, Had just stored our clubs for a long winter's nap. With the course frozen over and no one about, I was walking alone when I heard someone shout. Away down the tenth fairway I ran in a flash, but I slipped on some ice and oh, what a crash. The ice on the hill showed off such a glow Right down to the half frozen hazard below. It was a disaster, or so it appeared, Until I was saved by a guy and reindeer. With one hand on his cart and one raising a glass, I knew in a moment this golfer had class. His game was amazing, hotter than hot And he whistled, and shouted, and called every shot! "Now draw it! Now, fade it! Now onto the green! Like Tiger! Like Arnie! Like Hogan and Snead! Right down the middle! The ball, it flew far! Now chip in! Now pitch in! Better than par!" I was still falling fast, nearly into the burn When the man and his cart had just made the turn. Down on my butt with my back nearly broke, This man scooped me up without missing a stroke. With a sigh of relief I gave him a nod And saw that his reindeer was naught but a dog. They were out chasing geese and getting some practice, I thought for a moment it might be Jack Nicklaus. He was dressed all in Nike, from his head to his toes, His clothes were all high tech, he was dressed like the pros. A bag full of golf clubs he had flung on his back, And he looked like a winner, not just some hack. His eyes - they were focused! his demeanor - most serious! He had on his game face, you just knew he meant business! Still I couldn't believe when I peeked at his card, On the front nine the man had shot nine under par! The stump of a cigar held tight in his teeth, Whenever he putted he never would peek. He had a smooth stroke straight to the cup, Then he'd look up and smile when he heard it go "plop." He was steady and straight, boy, could he stroke it, I thought, with some practice, I too could smoke it! I'm quite sure that no one could get in his head, Quite simply, I'd bet many tourneys he'd lead. He spoke not a word, but went right on playing, That this was a great round goes without saying. Six birdies, three eagles and soon he was done. When he'd finished eighteen, he'd shot fifty one! He turned in his cart, put the dog in his car, And faster than lightning bellied up to the bar. Then I heard him exclaim, "sure this was nifty, but think, if I'd dropped one, it could have been fifty!" GOOD GOLFING TO ALL AND TO ALL A MERRY CHRISTMAS! Thanks For Visiting

Twas The Net Before Christmas

It twas the net before Christmas, When all thru our house, Not a creature was typing, Nor moving a mouse, Our monitors hummed, & were glowing within, In hopes that Saint Nick would soon "modem" in. The teenagers were crashed in their bedrooms, And dreaming of boxes that made sonic booms; Mom back from aerobics, and done kissing me, We'd just settled in for some much needed "zzz's" When in the home office there arose such a din, I shot down the stairs! Had that fax just come in? Away to the keyboard, I leapt into my chair, Typed in my password... But no fax was there! My screen came alive, it was wildly aglow, The hard drive went crunching, the "1" & the "0", When what to my bifocalled eye should I see, But a brand new Web Browser, Not A T & T, From a server so rapid, (Not one on the slates), That I thought for a moment, "It must be Bill Gates!" Incoming more Quickly than 14.4 fame, Screeching, now flashing, calling "Plug-Ins" by Name: "Now Java! Now Shockwave!, And Real Audio! On Webchat! On Quicktime! And 3VDO! To the World Wide Web system!! To the great hackers ball!! Now cache away!Cache away! Cache away all!! Beyond all the strengths of the new chips I see, This CPU giant brought power to me, And into my RAM a New Browser Sublime(!) Brimming with Programs, Saint Nick's on my Line! Then I, in a second, heard soundboarding in, Saint Nick's jolly laughter above all this din, I pulled back my hands, and fell out of my chair, In shock at the sight of Saint Nick standing there! Tho made up of pixels, He seemed very real, With clothing quite modern and full of appeal A bundle of CD'swere slung from his bag, He looked like an "X"er with middle-aged sag! He wore cool sunglasses, his face was electric; His cheeks two Mac Apples, his nose neon pink! His handsome full lips were set in a grin; With a snow white Bohemian beard on his chin. With the butt of a Cuban lit up with a flair, I saw cyber smoke making rings in the air! He'd got that "hep" look, and acted so mellow; But his belly still shook, still a Jolly Old Fellow! Flashing peace signs to all, and nodding his head, Led me to think I had nothing to dread; He spoke not a wordbut went straight to the show!.. Left shiny new laptops, and then turned to go.. And laying his finger aside of the node, As quick as a wink, thru the monitor he flowed; He appeared on the screen,on the keys poked delete, And transported away, his mission complete! But I heard him exclaim, As the screen had turned white, "CYBER CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD BYTE!!" ~Author Unknown~ Thanks For Visiting

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Twas A Firefighter's Christmas Eve

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town, the fire siren echoed blaring its sound. The firefighters came running from far and from near, and raced to the trucks quickly donning their gear. And I in my bunkers my boots and my hat, jumped to the engine to see where the fire's at. Down at the corner of Fifth and of Oak, the dispatcher informed us of a house filled with smoke. Smoke poured from the sides, from up and from down, yet up on the roof there was none to be found. So up to the rooftop we raised up a ladder, and climbed up to see what was the matter. I came to the chimney and what did I see, but a fellow in red stuck up to his knees. Well we tugged and we pulled until he came out, then he winked with his eye and said with a shout. "These darn newfangled chimneys they make them too small, for a fellow as I, not skinny at all." With a twitch of his nose he dashed to his sleigh, and called to his reindeer, "AWAY now, AWAY." As we rolled up our hoses he flew out of sight, saying: "God bless our firefighters" ...and to all a good night. Thanks For Visiting