Fruitcake Contest - "What to do with it theme" --brought to you by: GeniesHoliday
Note: December 27, 2019 is
National Fruitcake Day Here is the saga of one fruitcake or, THE TEN DAYS OF CHRISTMAS DAY 1 -- For the railroad passenger car we own, a STEPBOX, we thought. Nobody would steal it-but didn't work. Too heavy to lift back on board safely; a hazard it was stated. DAY 2 -- So Dan took to work, at a Railroad to offer as a CHOCK (which is a "doorstop" of sorts for RR. cars, to keep them from rolling away). They declined as they feared it would be put on track and cause a Derailment instead! DAY 3-- T-Shirt Harry surely needed it as BALLAST for drowning his St Louis Stallions T-shirt supply in the river. He declined as it would cause water pollution and would get the Army Corp. of Engineers after him for changing terrain of river. DAY4 -- So the Army Corp. of Engineers got the Call, for firming the Chesterfield LEVEE on the MO River. Businesses and animal rights agencies caused such an outcry! "All the Dead Fish!" they proclaimed that would diminish property and business values and the pooooor little animals. DAY 5 -- The jocks might not notice an extra HOCKEY PUCK or SOCCER BALL! Too many injuries were reported that day from impact and even the Lexan protective glass was shattered. DAY 6 -- The automakers were contacted --a SPARE TIRE for sure. Nope! It was Square, and could not be cut by their finest lathes that's for sure! BY NOW we were desperate, and remembered the season that was near! Almost time for CHRISTMAS thus a GIFT someone would fear!DAY 7-- The Dogs were offered this new TREAT for their taste. "NO THANK YOU" they said, as the DOG FOOD was far superior in their case! DAY 8 --We called Santa, perhaps a REINDEER SURPRISE!! "Oh NO!" Said dear Santa, "I want those turkeys to Fly!!" "Belly draggers" he muttered and "Drunk Drivers from the rum!" COAL for those Maguire stockings for even suggesting this, even in fun! DAY 9 -- Came the decorating and Mrs. N's Christmas tree. It's one of those old Aluminum Silver things, that turns with a motor using a COLOR WHEEL with a light! Surely fruitcake would lend new COLORS and new meaning to the season! She claimed not to know me, a friend of 40 years!! (The tree still lives on, but better bathed in white!!) DAY 10 --This was it, time to PRAY for a spot. To the in-city Church we went thinking positive thoughts. It came to us in a shaft of light!! UNBREAKABLE STAINED GLASS if sliced thin enough would surely be right. It was cut, and was hung, and was a Beautiful SIGHT. Thus the tradition of Fruitcake lives on, this pre-Christmas night!! Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukah to all! You all are invited over for a Little Brandied Fruitcake! :::Why is everyone turning page quickly?::::: Everyone?? Anyone home out there?? --Janice Maguire, Dec 06, 1993 |
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