Twas a Florida Christmas

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the town, no noses were frozen, no snow fluttered down, no children in flannels were tucked into bed, they all wore shorty pajamas instead. To find wreaths of holly, t'was not very hard, for holly trees grew in every back yard. In front of the houses, Dads and Moms were adorning the bushes and coconut palms. The sleeping kiddies were dreaming in glee, hoping to find water skis under the tree. They all knew that Santa was well on his way, in a Mercedes-Benz, instead of a sleigh. And soon he arrived and started to work, he hadn't a second to linger or shirk. He whizzed up the highways and zoomed up the road, in a S-L 300, delivering his loads. The tropical moon gave the city a glow, and lighted the way for old Santa below. As he jumped from the auto he gave a wee chuckle, he was dressed in Bermudas with an Ivy league buckle, There weren't any chimneys, but that caused no gloom, for Santa came in through the Florida room. He stopped at each house....stayed only a minute, emptying his sack of stuff that was in it. Before he departed, he treated himself to a glass of papaya juice upon the shelf. He turned with a jerk and bounced to the car, remembering he still had to go very far. He shifted the gears and stepped on the gas and up Highway 436 he went like a flash. And I heard him exclaim as he went on his way, "MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL, I WISH I COULD STAY!" Thanks For Visiting

Twas A Fight Before Christmas

'Twas the "FIGHT" before Christmas when all through the house ... the tension was rising 'tween in-laws and spouse. 'Expecting the onslaught, she'd shopped, wrapped, and baked, Mom verged on exhaustion, her back cramped and ached. "This year will be perfect!" determined she vowed Then she lined up her brood, and she ordered aloud, '"Now, listen up, kids! Clean your ears, so you'll hear it! You'll stop all your whining and get into the spirit!" Their kinfolk were traveling from locales afar, to watch little Jen as she held up the Star, Jeremiah as drummer, and Jimmy as goat, and the rest of the rugrats playing Heavenly Host. The pastor who cast them, though 'twas said he was braver didn't trust Baby Paul to portray the sweet Savior. 'Now the eve of the holiday pageant had come. The mock angels fluttered, the wee drummer drummed, and drummed and he drummed until Mom thought she'd throttle that dear little drummer or go drown in a bottle. 'Their halo's cocksure, they were ready to go. Aunt Tessie glanced out, "Oooo, it's starting to snow!" So back to the closet for twenty-two boots, while Gramps sneaked to the sideboard for a couple of snoots 'Dad paced with impatience, beating tracks on the floor. Julie rushed from the house, clipped one wing in the door. Momma, on round-up, was prodding the herd. Julie wailed with dismay, "I WILL LOOK LIKE A NERD!"' Loading four vans full, they skidded to church, side-swiping two carolers, came to rest with a lurch, and disgorged the uncles, the cousins and aunties,  the angels and livestock, three Wisemen, and Granny.' 'When all were assembled they commanded three pews.  Freckled shepherds processed and proclaimed the Good News.  Momma leaned on Dad's shoulder, her stamina tested; on the other, the video camera was rested. Training its lens on his offspring with pride, disgruntled he found there was no tape inside. 'He cursed much too loud for his present location. His pious Aunt Phoebe prayed for his salvation. Granny sighed disappointment, "Tsk, tsk, what a shame."  Momma glared at her husband, volleyed bullets of blame. Dad was soundly upbraided by a clan 'twas adjacent  Poor pastor feared rightly that brouha' was nascent.  The man behind bellowed, "Sit down in the front." Dad howled, "Go to blazes, you overgrown punk." How the threats escalated, I haven't a hunch. And no one remembers who threw the first punch. But the fray that ensued was a Mother of  All right up to the altar, 'round the heavenly stall. Fur and feathers were flying, taunts rang through the air. There was gnashing of teeth and the pulling of hair. The peace of nativity wrenched by the roar, the manger upsot, dolly rolled 'cross the floor. The choir tried vainly to scream out the lines, of the old-fashioned favorite, 'The Tie That Binds.' Soon the kids took their cue from their fathers and mothers, And the air became littered with the straw and the fodder. Young oxen were kicking, little donkeys were braying, the shepherds' rods snapped and poor pastor was praying. Once innocent angels from heaven were falling, and even wee Drummer was biting and brawling. The candlesticks tottered, the altar was battered, the tree lying prone, pastor's vestments were tattered. Then sweet, one-winged Julie, fearing huge conflagration,was sparked by the blaze of Divine inspiration.She gathered up all of the cherubs, I'm told, and began tearing one wing from each little shoulder. When the dust finally settled, only one light remained, A lone Christmas candle whose heavenly flame bathed the children in gold, with arms 'round each other, turning angels with black eyes to sisters and brothers. Their timorous voices sang out, 'Silent Night,' overpowering the fracas and ending the fight. So this story of angels with singleton wings, who like the blest infant, humbled powerful kings, taught a lesson of love to the grown-ups that night: Only Bearing Each Other Up, Can We Take Flight. And the pastor blessed all, waved them home with relief, "Merry Christmas. Go Home. And May God Grant You Peace!" by Mary C. Ginn, copyright 1992

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Politically Correct Santa

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves," "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. -And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society. -And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid! - The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A. And people had started to call for the cops When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops. - Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur-trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened." And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose. - And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, Demanding millions in over-due compensation. So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life, - Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on her title was Ms. And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion That making a choice could cause so much commotion. - Nothing of leather, nothing of fur, Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her. - Nothing that might be construed to pollute. Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot. - Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys. Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. Nothing that's war-like or non-pacific. - No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden. - For they raised the hackles of those psychological Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt; Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt. - Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe; And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; He just could not figure out what to do next. - He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, But you've got to be careful with that word today. His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable was to be found. - Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to all without angering the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision, Each group of people, every religion; - Every ethnicity, every hue, Everyone, everywhere...even you. So here is that gift, its price beyond worth... "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth." (c) Harvey Ehrlich, 1992

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Twas A California Christmas

T'was the night before Christmas in a California town, You could tell by the rock and shake of the ground. I lay in my bed, my head all 'a wonder, Thinking not now...it just must be thunder. When all of a sudden, I flew from my bed, Tripped on the ceiling, and fell on my head. I arose in a flash, to see what I could, And stopped in my tracks, for in fact there he stood. He stood there before me, all covered in dust, His hat all in tatters, his clothes all 'a muss. I thought for a moment he seemed kinda dazed, His eyes were aglow, but they seemed awfully glazed. I called out to Carol, get up, come 'a runnin, Come see this old fat guy, he really is somethin. He said not a word, but went right to his sack, He started to load it and said he'd be back! He went right to work, he knew just what to do, He took all that we had, even our stew. He finished so quick, it just took a wink, In a moment he took, even the sink. I ran to the window, and threw open the sash, Flung back the curtains, gee I was rash. And to my amazement there out on the lawn, Were Donner and Blitzin, Maurice and Ron. Then Carol came 'a runnin, she jumped to the window, Just in time to spy, Santa's new bimbo. She was tall, she was blond, quite preppy you know, I guess she was bitchin, in her dress cut so low. I ran to the phone, just all in a tizzy, dialed 911 help, and found it quite busy. Off to the closet, my gun it was there, I'd shoot that old bastard, and not even care. Then Carol said softly, my love it's all right, Let him have those old items, it is Christmas night. So....... I yelled to the world, I wanted to warn ya, Christmas is way different, in California. Copyright 1995 Written for Carol by R.C. Dawson of Richmond, Virginia Thanks For Visiting

50 Acts Of Kindness For Kids

Today starts the 50 Days Before Christmas and The Random Acts Of Kindness to bring us all into the upcoming holiday season with a sense of purpose. TRY IT - AND YOU WILL FEEL INSPIRED 1 Be a holiday helper – volunteer to deliver local christmas cards 2 Clean up the area where you live by picking up litter.  Make sure you wear gloves and do it with an adult. 3 Cook dinner for your family 4 Deice your neighbours windshields in the morning 5 Deliver cookies to your neighbours 6 Donate a coat or jumper to charity (leaving a happy note in the pocket) 7 Donate books to your school library 8 Donate pet food to a local shelter 9 Donate to the local food bank 10 Dontae this weeks pocket money to charity 11 Find three of your toys to give to the local childrens hospital 12 Give a homeless person a blanket 13 Give a lottery ticket to a stranger 14 Give out a complement 15 Give out free hugs today 16 Help round the house without being asked to 17 Hold the door open for people all day 18 Introduce yourself to someone new at school and chat with them 19 Invite a new friend for a play date or out to play 20 Leave a beautiful homemade bookmark in your library book and give one to the Librarian 21 Leave chalk messages around where you live 22 Leave change in the vending machine 23 Leave out water for the birds 24 Leave the pound in the shopping trolley next time you go to the supermarket 25 Let someone go in front of you in a queue 26 Make a bird feeder 27 Make a christmas card for the school receptionist 28 Make a thank you card for the school crossing staff 29 Make a tree decoration for your baby sitter 30 Make christmas cards for your neighbours 31 Make christmas flowers for the reception at school 32 Offer to help an elderly friend or neighbour with their christmas decorations 33 Offer to pack the shopping bags of the person in front of you and behind you at the supermarket 34 Pass on some of your books to friends 35 Put together a shoebox for your local church 36 Ring an elderly relative and have a nice chat to them 37 Send a care package to someone in the military 38 Sharpen all the pencils in the classroom at breaktime 39 Sit next to someone you normally don’t at the lunch table and be nice to them 40 Smile all day 41 Sort through your toys and donate any that you no longer play with to charity or your local church 42 Take everyone in your class a candy cane or cookie 43 Take poinsettias to your nearest nursing home 44 Tidy your bedroom 45 Walk someone elses dog 46 Wash your parents car 47 Write a letter to your sibling telling them why you love them 48 Write a note and mail them to the houses with great christmas lights saying thank you for lighting up their house for you to see 49 Write a thank you note for the bin collectors and post person 50 Write thank you cards for your teacher, coach, Cubs leader or people that have influenced you in a positive way Date Determined at Calculator.net Thanks For Visiting

Twas A Parent's Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas  (12:15 am), & all thru the house, All the kids was stirring, even the mouse. The stockings were hung by the stove with care, With mom on the floor pulling out her hair. 1:10 am the children were wrestled and tied to their beds,  While visions of bikes & Barbies danced in their heads; And mamma with her nerve pills; and I with my gin, Had just sat down with the big pile of tin. When out in the street there rose such a clatter, I threw down the bike to see whats the matter; Away to the door I flew like a flash, Stepping on the cat, in my curious dash. I stood on the porch and looked all about, When the door slammed behind me & I was locked out.  When what to my tearing eyes should apear, But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer! With a little old man, so perky and quick, I knew in a moment it was St. Nick. He turned to me and said with a pause: "My name is Santa,,, the last name is Clause" I was statled, confused all the same, A little buzzed as I heard him exclaim; "This is Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, And Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen." With all his help it seemed to be fit, To ask him to sit with the kids for a bit. His eyes-how they twinkled-his dimples so merry, His cheeks red as a rose, his nose like a cherry. He had a red face and a round belly, That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly. "Dont worry son, the stress that you feel now is a test, In around 18 years you will finally get to rest" said he. Kicking the dog from his way, he turned to his work, Filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk. And putting his finger inside of his nose, And giving me a nod, up the chimney he rose. He ran to his sleigh, to his team he gave a shout, "Lets go guys, its time to head out." But I heard him yell, as he flew out of sight, "Remember, 18 years, then you will be alright." ~author unknown~ Thanks For Visiting